Rommy Bear and Katie Goose

2 years ago today, this morning, my Rommy Bear crossed the rainbow bridge.

Last week, my sweet Katie Goose began to have seizures in her sleep. John and I took her to the vet, they have her on phenabarbital. Since being put on this she has not had any other seizures. They did a complete blood work up, and her liver, kidneys and everything else are normal. Good news for a 12 year old sweetheart. She HAS however gained 6 pounds in 2 months - which is a LOT for a little dog like her. She is up to 25 pounds, and should be 16-19. On a diet now.

The drug that Katie is on makes her very sleepy, groggy, and clumsy. The vet assured us that those symptoms should fade in 2 weeks.

I have to carry her when she is really bad outside to potty.

I am struggling with this.

Am I being selfish? I don't want to keep Katie alive if her quality of life is going to be like this, but how long do I wait until facing that decision? More importantly, will my sanity make it that long?

I can't stop crying. I'm not eating. Not drinking. Barely sleeping. Anxiety and panic along with OCD is constant.

If this is how I feel now, how I am going to feel when she does go to be with Rommy?

What happens if she dies on a weekend and the Vet isn't open? Where to I take her little body for creamation? I can't put my baby in a garbage bag...and wait until they open.

I know that she can't stay and I know I can't go with her.

My heart is breaking.