Its been a year and a half and you'd think that by now, my heart would have healed.
But just THINKING about the entire situation makes my heart, my soul, my inner being just cry out in pain. Not a crying sort of pain, but deeper than that.
I've considered going back to see Dr. Keller and talking about it, but to what end? Will it take the pain away? Answer any questions? Solve the problem?
No.
All seeing Dr. Keller would solve is forcing me to relive it. To explain what happened, who said what, how it made me feel, etc. Right now I don't feel that I am strong enough to go through it all again.
The point I am at now, is how to move on and learn to trust loved ones again. How to allow people in to my life without fear.
Truthfully, the only person I place 100 percent of my trust, my being in, without fear is John, my husband. (and my cousin, Heather).
When I think of what brought all of this pain to where I am today, what started it, or rather, WHO started, I feel blinding rage.
I don't understand how anyone could inflict the kind of damage that has been done to a family member. I don't know if I want to understand.
I can say the one thing that brings me GREAT comfort is my strong belief in Karma. You can run, but you can't hide.
I guess what I really want, is for the pain to go away, and to never have to feel the way I do now, and have felt for the last year and a half.
Thanks for reading.
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