The 46 Stages of Twitter

1. Hear the word Twitter. Scoff.

2. Hear it again from someone else. Scoff again.

3. Hear about famous celebrity who is apparently "On Twitter." Scoff, but make mental note to check it out.

4. Log into Facebook to comfort self.

5. Sign up for Twitter.

6. Give up because it seems dumb.

7. Loudly criticize others on Twitter.

8. Follow @johncmayer, @aplusk, @rainnwilson, @wilw, @mrskutcher, @oprah, and one other person you actually know.

9. Post tweet that is a variant of: "Trying out this Twitter thing."

10. Attempt to dig a little deeper into Twitter.

11. Notice rampant usage of words: "Tweet," "Twitter," "Twitterverse," "Tweetie," "Tweetdeck," and something called "RT."

12. Scoff again, this time in confusion.

13. Tell friends you "tried that Twitter thing, but didn't get it and it's stupid anyway."

14. Log into Facebook because that site at least makes sense.

15. Read story about Twitter somewhere.

16. Log back into Twitter.

17. Try to avoid saying Tweet, Twitter, Twitterverse, Tweetie, Tweetdeck, and ReTweet.

18. Respond to @rainnwilson.

19. Curse self for fanning out.

20. Log off for 4 months.

21. Come back, just to see.

22. Post something relatively funny.

23. Get RT'd.

24. Discover that RT means ReTweet.

25. Make it your life mission to get RT'd.

26. Install Twitter app on your phone.

27. No longer ashamed to say "I've gotta Twitter that."

28. Attend events with the sole intention of "Tweeting" them.

29. Pray to get RT'd.

30. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

31. Close computer.

32. Open computer. Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

33. Think in 140 character sentences.

34. Compulsively check phone all day every day.

35. Tweet that you compulsively check phone all day every day.

36. Alienate actual people in your life in an attempt to impress ones you don't know.

37. Lose weight because you forget to eat.

38. Place phone by bed so you can check first thing in the morning.

39. Defend Twitter to the death from detractors.

40. Hear self, and vaguely recognize that you have become "That Guy."

41. Feel like, and start to behave like River Tam.

42. Vow to quit Twitter to preserve sanity.

43. Read this and change mind.

44. Think to self, "I should twitter that."

45. Recognize irony.

46. Twitter it.

Vacation to do list follow up post

Well....

I am proud to report that I got 95% of the to do list done.

Tomorrow is my last day of "vacation".

The following items did not get done:

Clean back yard, under deck
Clean silhouettes
Wash Eddie
Wash Camaro
Rommy bath
Paint hallway
Paint bathroom

Rommy bath and Silhouette thing still might happen. Not today though. Perhaps tomorrow.

Tomorrow at 12:30 I have to go get a Remicade infusion. (intravenious drug that helps shut off my Crohn's Disease). So tomorrow is probably out for the balance of the list. 

I had a feeling that those things were not going to happen anyway - they are the more yucky items.

on another note.....season premiere of Bones is almost upon us!

Vacation

I am off work from Friday, September 4th - Wednesday Septbember 9th. Since John and I have no money to go anywhere or do anything, here is my to do list:

Vacation To-Do List:




Scrub all woodwork

Scrub entryway floor

Scrub bathroom floor

Scrub kitchen floor

Clean leather furniture

Clean back yard, under deck

Clean mouse house

Clean silhouettes

Clean fish tank

Clean windows

Wash Eddie

Wash Camaro

Clean bathroom

Dust

Organize hall closet

Organize entryway closet

Organize bedroom closets

Organize hallway closet

Organize under kitchen sink

Organize under bathroom sink

Organize computer desk

Rommy bath

Paint hallway

Paint bathroom

Clean refridgerator

Clean stainless steel

Clean on top of refridgerator

Water plants

Clean snake cage

 

Thinking.....

Ya know, its tough to sometimes supress my inner smart ass.


Too often I'll be at work, at home, in the car observing other drivers & people, or just out in the world, and so MANY smart alecky thoughts and/or actions I'd like to do run through my mind.
My Grandma Maty use to say that it was a good thing she didn't always do or say what she was thinking, and when I was younger, I didn't understand what she meant at all.

That feeling must be genetic. I know EXACTLY what she means.

As I consider that last statement, I take that back. I KNOW its genetic. Because if I am out in the world, as I described above, and my sister Rachel is with me, all it takes is one look exchanged between us, and there is at least a 85% chance she knows exactly what I am thinking, and the same thought had occurred to her as well.

(which is why when we worked at the same company together for a few years, they had to separate us, we use to get into too much trouble)

Helping, and accepting help

It makes me so happy to be able to help people.

Helping people in big ways, small ways, just that overwhelming feeling of knowing that I made a difference, big or small, its just an indescribable feeling.

I wish I could be one of the few who are able to work with people in say, a hospital, nursing home, or anything in the medical field, but I just can't. I'd get too attached to the person and it just wouldn't be a good situation. Plus, I'd always be worried I was hurting them in some way. I admire people in this field.

So why is it, that I love helping people so much, I am so unable to ask for help or accept help myself, without enormous feelings of guilt?

I like to feel like I can manage things on my own. I don't want to have to turn to someone and say:

I need some help.

Poem I wrote when I had to put my 1st Boston Terrier, Katie to sleep

Your favorite chair is vacant now

No eager woof to greet me

No little paws to run

Excitedly to meet me

No playful bark, no little cry

Will say it’s time for playing,

I have put away your bowl,

And other toys you won’t be needing.
But I will miss you little friend,

For I could never measure,

The happiness you have brought to me,

The comfort and the pleasure.

And since god sent you here,

In earthly joy and sorrow,

I am sure there is a place for you in heavens bright tomorrow.

Never Be This Young Again

They've called the last dance of the evenin'.


It's the one dance that we call our own.

Most of the others are leavin' and headin' on home

To cryin' goodbye of the fiddles.

The sweetest of love songs must end,

So I'll dance this one with you, just like I first met you.

We'll never be this young again.



We'll never be this young again.

Never be this young again.

Why sit and dream about what might have been?

Yesterday's promise has died on the wind,

So hold me tonight like you held me back then.

We'll never be this young again.



This is the same song we dance to

Back when all our tomorrows were bright.

Now darlin', we have the chance to relive 'em tonight.

Why talk of the years that we've wasted

Or places that we've never been?

Just dance this one with me like you first met me.

We'll never be this young again.



We'll never be this young again

Never be this young again.

Why sit and dream about what might have been?

If we could do it over, we'd do it again,

And I love you tonight like I loved you back then.

We'll never be this young again.

we call our own.

Most of the others are leavin' and headin' on home

To cryin' goodbye of the fiddles.

The sweetest of love songs must end,

So I'll dance this one with you, just like I first met you.

We'll never be this young again.



We'll never be this young again.

Never be this young again.

Why sit and dream about what might have been?

Yesterday's promise has died on the wind,

So hold me tonight like you held me back then.

We'll never be this young again.



This is the same song we dance to

Back when all our tomorrows were bright.

Now darlin', we have the chance to relive 'em tonight.

Why talk of the years that we've wasted

Or places that we've never been?

Just dance this one with me like you first met me.

We'll never be this young again.



We'll never be this young again

Never be this young again.

Why sit and dream about what might have been?

If we could do it over, we'd do it again,

And I love you tonight like I loved you back then.

We'll never be this young again.

Skinny & Ugly or Fat & Pretty

I had this posted on my blog previously, and its such a hilarious story, I had to post it again.




A while back, my sister Rachel and I were having a conversation with Kathryn, my niece (Rachels daughter, who is now 15).



I asked them both, if they'd rather be skinny & ugly or fat and pretty.



Rachel and I both agreed that we'd both rather be fat & pretty. Probably thinking it would be easier to loose weight and still have the prettiness factor to work in our favor.



Kathryn disagreed, saying that she'd rather be skinny and ugly, because : "Hair and makeup can do a lot"



I smile everytime I think about it.

Rindercella

Story of Rindercella Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.




And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"



When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!



The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!



So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!

Mental Health Hotline

Answering Service


This is the transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.



Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.



If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Best Rum Cake Ever

Best Rum Cake Ever




Ingredients:

1 C butter 1 tsp baking soda

1 C sugar 1 tsp salt

4 large eggs lemon juice

1 C dried fruit 1 C brown sugar

1 tsp baking powder nuts

1 or 2 quarts rum



Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. (Pretty good, huh?) Now go ahead.



Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check rum again as it must be just right. To be sure the rum is of the finest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat, if needed.



With an electric mixer, beat 1 C of the butter in a large fluffy bowl and add 1 teaspoon of thugar and beat again.



Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality. Cry anuther tup. Open second quart, if necessary.



Add 2 arge eggs. 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit get stuck in beaters, just pry loose witha drewsciver



Sample rum again to check for tonscisticity



Next, sift 3 cups od salt oar anythink. it really doesn't matter. Sample the rlum.



Sift half pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and mix mell. Grease over an turn cake pan to 350 gredees.



Now poor the whole mess into the boven and ake.



Check the rum again and bo to ged.

Prayers Answered!

I won't have to go to the food shelf!

Jeanette, my mother in law, (who rents the lower portion of our house), gave us $100.00 to help in the repair cost of my truck.

THANK YOU.

August 26

Well friends,

Many of you know John was laid off around Memorial Day, and thankfully, he is getting unemployment, which is a LIFESAVER.  He is in sort of a specialized field, which depends on the construction industry. (He is a finisher/industrial sprayer).

He has been officially called back to work around the 2-3rd week in September.

Meanwhile, I've maxed out my line of credit with Wells Fargo (except for 300 bucks as a emergency cusion); my truck needs a repair that, THANK GOD my Uncle can take care of, instead of having to go the garage; every week when payday rolls around, I am hoping for an extra few bucks so John and I can go out on a date or do something, but usually wind up with JUST enough, to tide us over until next payday.

The Minnesota State Fair is starting and I'd give anything to go, I want a pronto pup, some cheese curds, some mini doughnuts, maybe some other crap food on a stick. No funds for it this year. 

Because I have Crohn's disease, I have to try and watch my stress levels, because stress can really kick it into high gear.  I really don't want to, but I am seriously considering seeing a 2nd form of employment, primarily, because I am going to have to visit the food shelf this week, as we don't have quite enough for all th grocerys we need, espicially if my Uncle is going to fix my truck Monday of next week. Which is going to be an extra 150-200 bucks.

I know my body probably can't take on the stress a 2nd job would create, but neither can it afford the stress of mounting unpaid bills. 

I try to stay positive, to remember that there's a brand new day on the horizon, but even I get to have a bad attitude somedays. Today is my day to be negative.

thanks for listening!

We're back baby!

I decided to re-instate Land of Osbourne.

I had this as a blog a few years ago and dropped it.

I've found...oddly enough that I missed it.

So...this is my first post of a brand new blog.

Welcome back readers of Land of Osbourne!

-April