Yesterday tomorrow and today

They said

What is Karma?

Karma (car-ma) is a word meaning the result of a person's actions as well as the actions themselves. 

It is a term about the cycle of cause and effect. 

According to the theory of Karma, what happens to a person, happens because they caused it with their actions.

Doggy bedtime prayer

Learn

Don't

Everything is temporary but love

Lessons

Five rules

It's easy to judge

Me

Truth

Its not the first chapter that matters but the whole story

Someday we'll forget the hurt, the reason we cried and who caused us pain. 

We will finally realize that the secret of being free is not revenge but letting things unfold in their own way and own time. 

After all, what matters is not the first, but the last chapter of our life which shows how well we ran the race. 

So smile, laugh, forgive, believe and love all over again. 

Forgive ? Yes! Excuse? No.

Being a good person

Hm.

When

Toxic

Never chase

I am enough

Ozzy extreme close up

Good luck Rachel

Anxiety

Building a wall

Thought of the day

Old Fashioned Butter Cake

Old Fashioned Butter Cake
(from Reeni's Cinnamon Girl blog)  

2 cups all-purpose flour, sifted
1  1/4 cup sugar
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt

1/2 cup butter, softened
1 cup milk
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

2 eggs

Preheat oven to 350*F.  Grease and flour two 8 inch x 2 inch baking pans and set aside.

In a large mixing bowl sift together the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt.

Add butter, milk, and vanilla.  With a hand mixer, beat for  2 minutes, occasionally scraping down the sides of the bowl.  

Add eggs and beat for 2 minutes more.

Pour batter into prepared pans, dividing equally between the pans.  Bake 30 to 35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean.  Remove from oven.

Cool in the pans for 10 minutes and then turn cakes out onto a cooling rack to cool completely.

Frost with your favorite frosting.  I used my favorite chocolate frosting, the one on the back of the Hersey's cocoa can.  

"Perfectly Chocolate" Chocolate Frosting

1 stick (1/2 cup) butter or margarine
2/3 cup Hershey's cocoa
3 cups powdered sugar (confectioners' sugar)
1/3 cup milk  (plus an additional few drops to make a nice consistency)
1 teaspoon vanilla

Melt butter.  Stir in cocoa.  Alternately add powdered sugar and milk, beating on medium speed to spreading consistency.  Add more milk if needed.  Stir in vanilla.  About 2 cups frosting

Reflections

Healthy thoughts

You’re in charge of your happiness

---

This is your life, this is the only life that you’re ever gonna get and you’re in charge of your happiness. Don’t let anybody ever take that away from you. You go out there and you live your life and if you fall down, you need to pick yourself back up and you keep going because there’s always gonna be bad stuff, but there’s gonna be so much good stuff. So don’t ever forget that. If you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change. Chelsea Handler If you really want to live your life to the fullest and realize your greatest potential, you must be willing to run the risk of making some people mad. People may not like what you do, people may not like how you do it, but these people are not living your life. You are! —Iyanla Vanzant

iPad

So for Valentines day, John, (to whom I affectionately refer to as: "King of the Husbands") bought me an iPad Air 2. In Gold.

Previously, I had a Kindle he bought me a few Christmas' ago, so I am familiar with the "Tablet" craze. Loved my Kindle, LOVED. I almost felt guilty, like I was somehow abandoning my beloved Kindle for the new iPad.

As soon as I started using the iPad, all feelings of guilty disappeared. I LOVE this thing, and because I have it on my Verizon account, I can use it anywhere and access the internet. Also, its linked with my iPhone, it displays any text messages I receive.

You know what else rocks? When I work out on my elliptical, I can watch something on Hulu Plus, Netflix, or my new favorite - Youtube. I created a work out playlist specifically for my iPad when I work out.

My name is April Osbourne, and I am a techy geek.

No matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it!

Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed, but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed your tears. When you are ready, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” — Lee Goff    All of the times you felt this anxious and this overwhelmed. All of the times you felt this level of pain. And remind yourself how each time, you made it through. Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you’ve survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it.” ~Daniell Koepke

On a lighter note...

You Didn't

You didn't congratulate me on my promotion to office manager.

You didn't wish me a happy 40th birthday.

You didn't wish me a happy 41st birthday.

You were not around when I found out I have Gastroparisis.

You watched me struggle with severe clinical depression when you had the remedy that would have stopped it all, but you didn't. 

When I was in a minor fender bender, you didn't call or email to make sure I was okay.

The communication stopped for something I did not do.

None of these things sound like how you would treat someone you LOVE.

Now its too late. 

The damage has been done.

There is no going back, and nothing will ever fix it. 

Sometimes

For You

I no longer have patience for certain things...

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me. 

I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. 

I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me. 

I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. 

I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. 

I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance.

I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. 

I hate conflict and comparisons. 

I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities. 

In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal.

I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word of encouragement. 

Exaggerations bore me and I have difficulty accepting those who do not like animals. 

And on top of everything I have no patience for anyone who does not deserve my patience.

The above text was written and published by the great Portuguese Author, Jose Micard Teixeira

Karma, Baby

One Broken Heart for Sale

Its been a year and a half and you'd think that by now, my heart would have healed. 

But just THINKING about the entire situation makes my heart, my soul, my inner being just cry out in pain. Not a crying sort of pain, but deeper than that.  

I've considered going back to see Dr. Keller and talking about it, but to what end? Will it take the pain away? Answer any questions? Solve the problem? 

No. 

All seeing Dr. Keller would solve is forcing me to relive it. To explain what happened, who said what, how it made me feel, etc.  Right now I don't feel that I am strong enough to go through it all again. 

The point I am at now, is how to move on and learn to trust loved ones again. How to allow people in to my life without fear. 

 Truthfully, the only person I place 100 percent of my trust, my being in, without fear is John, my husband. (and my cousin, Heather). 

When I think of what brought all of this pain to where I am today, what started it, or rather, WHO started, I feel blinding rage. 

I don't understand how anyone could inflict the kind of damage that has been done to a family member. I don't know if I want to understand. 

I can say the one thing that brings me GREAT comfort is my strong belief in Karma. You can run, but you can't hide. 

I guess what I really want, is for the pain to go away, and to never have to feel the way I do now, and have felt for the last year and a half. 

Thanks for reading. 

Truth

No one can understand the pain I feel in my heart.

It has been shattered in such a way that I don't think I will ever recover. I don't know how long it will take for me to allow any one close again. 

The only one who holds 100% of my trust and that I am completely safe if all ways is John. 

Be patient with me. I am going to need time to heal. 

Roy Clark - Sally Was A Good Ole Girl

Accept me or walk away

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. 

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. 

Forget the bad, and focus on the good. 

Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. 

Life is too short to be anything but happy. 

Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it!  I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel,
love the way I love!  I am a whole complex package.  Take me. . . or leave me.

Accept me--or walk away!  

Do not try to make me feel like less of a person,just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.  

If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad--you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

Releasing the Past

Releasing the Past. Jeff Keller

Posted: 24 Oct 2014 03:00 AM PDT

Do you condemn yourself for things which you did--or failed to do--in the past?  Everyone does this at some point.  However, if you want to lead a successful and productive life, it is imperative that you release the past and not blame yourself for events which have already transpired and which cannot be changed.
Ask yourself this question:  has "beating yourself up" about the past ever helped you or made you feel better?  If the answer is "no," I hope that you will make a commitment to stop this self-defeating behavior.

The successful person takes this approach:  learn from past mistakes and make adjustments in future behavior.  The strategy of berating yourself for past conduct solves nothing and only serves to lower your self-esteem.  You create a vicious cycle where negative experiences and negative feelings are reinforced, which leads to more negative outcomes and more negative feelings.

You are not going to change one bit of your past.  It's gone.  Learn from your past experiences and move on.  You did the best you could given your awareness and understanding of your options at the time.  This does not imply that your conduct was praiseworthy; however, you will gain nothing from self- condemnation, except feelings of misery and inadequacy.

If you have done something in the past which you can do something about, then by all means take action.  If you have been unkind to someone, offer a sincere apology.  If you failed to fulfill a promise which you make, take steps immediately to fulfill that promise.
If you insist on dwelling in the past, I suggest that you focus on your past successes.  Visualizing and thinking about past successes is an excellent way to build confidence and self-esteem.  What you think about is what you become.  Therefore, when you concentrate on your successes, you help to create future successes.
When you find yourself starting to dwell on past negative experiences, immediately halt and remind yourself:  "There is nothing I can do now which will change what happened.  I learned a valuable lesson and will act in a more constructive manner next time."  You see, regardless of what you have done--or failed to do--the only sane approach is to accept it and move forward.  The successful individual does not waste precious mental energy dwelling on past events which cannot be changed.  Instead, he or she uses past mistakes as learning experiences and springboards to future successes.

9/11/01

So 13 years ago, the World Trade Centers fell due to a terrorist attack on the United States. 

Everyone always talks about where they were when the whole thing went down, etc. 

13 years ago, I was working at Steven Fabrics, in customer service. I was at my desk, working on a 4 page report of Vertical Blind back orders, calling dealers, telling them when to expect their order, etc. 

I overheard in the office (I was working in a "cube farm") that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. 

1st thought that ran through my mind, was some dummy in a little Cessna or something did it.  I heard someone say it was a commerical airplane. Okay, I know that couldn't have been an accident, but I couldn't imagine why someone would intentionally do such a thing. 

I knew my Dad would know what was going on, so I called Dad and he told me it was a terrorist attack on the US. 

My coworkers all had by this time turned on the news to hear more and we heard about the Pentagon. To be honest, when I heard this part, I didn't believe it. I thought it was just a rumor. Then the one in Pennsylvania crashed. I was horrified.  

After I got home from work, my husband and I were glued to our TV, total disbelief in what we were seeing. Total chaos in NY. 

I know that as an American, I will never forget, and will continue to be grateful to first responders, police and firefighters everywhere. 

Hurt

You never expect someone who loves you to hurt you, especially a family member, either intentionally or unintentionally, so when it does happen, the pain resulting is significant and unexpected, which seems like it makes it more intense.

Sometimes, you can piece together why the other person acted out in the way that they did, but other times, you’re left wondering what went wrong, if it was something that you had done or not done, said or did not say.

Regardless, the pain is very real.

How do you react to this sort of pain?

 Do you confront the person?

 Wait for them to come to you?

Do you pretend like nothing happened?

Whichever action is taken it seems is the wrong action.

Sometimes, if you are very lucky, you have someone who loves you and cares about you to lean on, and they can help you through the process.

I am hurting as a direct result of lies and deception from someone who claimed to love me.

I am also hurting for some transgression I evidently have done by someone else who also claims to love me.

I am very lucky to have my husband John here to hold my hand, and wipe my tears away.

I hope to become a stronger, better person moving forward having learned the lessons I have. 

August Osbourne Update

Greetings and Salutations Land of Osbourne Readers! 

Hope everyone is having a good summer and things are going great for you. 

Thought I'd update you all on my thrilling life.  

John bought me a huge bird cage for our 17th wedding anniversary this year, for my 2 Lady Gouldians and 2 Shaft Tail finches. 4 tiny little birdies in a 5' tall x 4' wide x 2' deep is a lot of room for those little guys, so I found a bird rescue organization in Circle Pines, and adopted 2 Society finches, and 2 Zebra Finches. I named them "George and Weezy" and "Snow and Ice". I was a little worried about adding them to the cage and the birds fighting, but we're almost to week 3 and everyone is getting along great. I love their little chirps, (they sound like they're saying "beep beep beep") - they males sing a song to the females - sounds a little like a musical car alarm.  John loves them, and wants to adopt a few more. Could be dangerous for us to go there, because we both have a huge love of animals. I need to find a few more nests and then I may add a few more. 

Work is going good for me and good for John. Anywhere you work there is always going to be someone or something you don't like, such is life. 

The summer is going by very quickly it seems. Our crazy Minnesota weather didn't really give us a spring this year, it seems sort of like we jumped right from winter to summer. Now we're knocking on the door to Fall already. I've already heard several commercials  for the Minnesota State Fair.  We went last year, and although we had a nice time I wouldn't mind going again this year, but its not a do or die kind of thing. John and I have August 29th - September 2nd off work, so it COULD happen. We'll see. :) 

Crohn's is still under control, and this new thing, Gastroparisis is about as good as can be expected. 

Take care all! 

April Miller-Osbourne

Gym Membership Dear Diary

Dear Diary, 

For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. 

Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. 

I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. 

My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress. 

________________________________ 
MONDAY: 
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! 

Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! 

Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time she was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week-!! 

________________________________ 
TUESDAY: 
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then she put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT-!! It's a whole new life for me. 

_______________________________ 
WEDNESDAY: 
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club parking lot. 

Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other club members. Her voice is a little too perky for that early in the morning and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying. 

My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the stair master. Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity rendered obsolete by elevators? Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life. She said some other sh*t too. 

_________________________________ 
THURSDAY: 
Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl. I couldn't help being a half an hour late - it took me that long to tie my shoes. 

Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells. When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the restroom. She sent another skinny ***** to find me. 

Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank. 
_________________________________ 
FRIDAY: 
I hate that b*tch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any other human being in the history of the world. Stupid, skinny, anemic, anorexic little cheerleader. If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I would beat her with it. 

Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I don't have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand me the damn barbells or anything that weighs more than a sandwich. 

The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition teacher. Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the 
drama coach or the choir director? 

________________________________ 
SATURDAY: 
Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating, shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today. Just hearing her voice made me want to smash the machine with my planner; however, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel. 

________________________________ 
SUNDAY: 
I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and thank GOD that this week is over. I will also pray that next year my daughter (the little sh*t) will choose a gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a hysterectomy. I still say if God had wanted me to bend over, he would have sprinkled the floor with diamonds!!! 

love

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering; that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart; maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That’s the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on out backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly." 

Music

Music is an interesting thing. It changes how you feel, reminds you of good things and bad. 

For some, they can take music or leave it. 

For others, they can't imagine a day without music in it, and that would be me. 

I love most all types of music. The only type I really don't enjoy would be "death metal" or things in  that sort of category. All other music, I enjoy. 

On certain television shows, tv commericals or movies, music plays an huge part. 

Here is a list of songs I won't be able to listen to without thinking of something else: 

(in no particular order, other than what pops into my mind first) 

Carry on Wayward Son - Kansas - Truthfully, I never heard the song before watching the TV show Supernatural. Now, not only do I associate that song with Supernatural, I have gone as far as downloading it. 

Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper - This was featured prominently on an episode of my favorite show Bones. If you're a Bones fan, no other explanation necessary. Iconic episode.  Now, whenever I hear it, I think of Temperance "Bones" Brennan singing it in Karaoke shortly before Seeley Booth is shot. 

Hot Blooded - Foreigner - I had heard the song before, but wasn't impressed with it. Until the historic Bones episode that any true Bones fan worth their salt knows; Season 1, Two Bodies in the Lab. It is now considered Booth and Brennans "Song", and has been featured on a few other episodes throughout the television shows history. It is my favorite song, and the default ringtone on my cell phone. I love it. 

We're Not Gonna Take It - Twisted Sister - I love this song. It is now the theme opening song to Betty White's Off Their Rockers. Now when I hear it, I think of Betty White and that awesome show that makes me LMAO. 

Pick Me Up On Your Way Down - Charlie Walker - When I was little, Mom and Dad took me and Rachel to the Grand 'ol Opry. This song, when Rachel and I were kids, use to be one of her favorites. When we were at the Grand 'ol Opry, as we were walking out, someone was on stage singing this song. The song has a whole new meaning for me now, as it makes me think of Rachel. 

Hey Jealousy - Gin Blossoms - When I was dating John, back in 1993, he would play this song while driving us around in his white Camaro. Its now the ring tone for John on my cell phone. I love it, makes me think of my sweetheart. 

Black - Pear Jam - ditto to previous post 

Lawdy Miss Clawdy - Elvis Presley - When My Dad was in a band when he was younger, with my Uncle Soup, and cousin Keith, they would play this at every dance. My Mom  now hates the song because they played it so much.  That story makes me laugh, so that song is the ring tone for Mom. 

Ashoken Farewell - (instrumental) - My Dad heard this song while watching a Civil War documentary, loved the song so much he learned to play it on guitar and wants it played at his funeral. Makes me sad, but I like the song. 

These are just a few, but thought I'd share. Thanks for reading.

Happy

Greetings and Salutations! 

Not sure if you guys are aware, but I suffer from chronic depressive disorder, which means that I will be on medication to help keep me smiling and sane, likely for the rest of my life. 

It has taken some time, (3 years to be specific) to figure out my magic combination of drug therapy, and I think I've FINALLY got it figured out. (well, not ME on my own, but with the help of my doc)

Despite my recent diagnosis of Gastroparisis, and the side effects and what that all means, the Crohn's Disease and we can't forget my bad knee too (which I realize needs surgery again, but until I can't walk at all, I'm not doing it). 

Anyway - the reason for my post is, recently I came to the realization that I am HAPPY. 

Sure, there are some things in my life I wish were different, just like anyone else, but I am smiling more and am happy. 

In closing, I'd like to say this: 

Some of the best prayers that I've prayed to God are the ones that he said : "No"   to. 

Take care friends....

April (Miller) Osbourne