Wednesday, January 31, 2018

Do not quit

Posted: 31 Jan 2018 06:29 AM PST

How does self-improvement apply to each of us? There is no one system or technique which applies equally across the board. There are numerous books, articles, teachers, techniques and schools of thought to guide us in our quest for self- improvement.
There are a number of common threads running throughout all of these. Here are just a few of them:
* Treat others as you wish to be treated.
* You become what you constantly think about.
* You determine what you are and what you will be by the choices you make.
* When you honestly and deeply believe something it will become true.
* Eat, breathe and live as though you were wealthy and you will become wealthy.
* When your main focus is on lack and poverty you will continue to be poor and lacking.
* Visualize what you wish as though it were true right now and not at some future date.
* Take action on your wishes (dreams, desires).
* Life is but a journey which is taken one step at a time. All we ever have is the step we are currently taking.
* The Kingdom of Heaven is within (know thyself, go into yourself to seek the truth, the inner journey is the most important).
All of these and the other common threads will apply to and be used by each of us in a different manner. What works for one person may not necessarily hold true for another. While it is true we can learn from others, we alone can make our journey. Nobody can do it for us.
We must take these teachings and doctrines and adapt them to our own unique needs, desires and wishes. We do this through self-study and observation to find those areas in which we need growth and development.
In conjunction with this, we need to research and study many different doctrines and teachings. From these we can determine those things that attract us and strike the note of truth within. You will know when something has the ring of truth to it.
A whole doctrine or line of teaching may only contain one or two principles which will apply to you, however these may be critical to your development. Try to be as open-minded as possible, but always verify the truth of the principle for yourself.
Never accept anything as being the truth for you until you have verified it for your own purposes. Another's truth may well be the direct opposite of your truth.
So long as you seek self-improvement and development you cannot fail. You will undoubtedly become discouraged at times because of a lack of any perceived gains. Should you feel you have hit a brick wall, simply regroup and try another technique or strategy.
No matter what you do or what happens, just do not quit. Those who continue to seek self-development and growth always win. It is simply a matter of time.
I wish you great satisfaction in your journey through life.
Robert Taylor

Friday, December 8, 2017

Minnesota Winter Driving

​So, as you've no doubt surmised by this point, I live in Minnesota, land of 10,000 lakes (its actually closer to 14,000 lakes), and 10,000 feet of snow every winter. (slight exaggeration) 

When I was young and stupid, I drove a Camaro, and the first year I owned it I made the not so bright decision to drive it during the winter. Its worth noting that my husband John has driven Camaro's in the winter as well. 

Camaro's are rear wheel drive, and are NOT designed for winter travel in any way shape or form. ​Regardless if you put lots of weight in the rear end (another winter time must) it will simply not do well.  

A few years down the road, I also owned a really nice Mustang. Having driven a Camaro in the winter, John and I knew it wouldn't do well, so we had no plans of driving it, however we did have to move it from one parking lot to another one winter day and we were shown how poorly Mustangs do. Worse than Camaros in fact. 

So, if you see a sports car this winter driving in the snow and ice, cut them some slack. It takes a LOT of patience and skill to drive one of these cars in the winter.  

I will say it did make a difference in how I drive in the winter after that, as I drive much more carefully than I think I normally would, and I can say with complete certainty that John is the best winter driver I've ever known. I think the sports car driving in the winter really made all the difference. 

Wednesday, November 29, 2017



People who claim to be your friend do not do the following:
  • Talk negatively about you to anyone
  • Speculate about your actions to others without fact based information
  • Do not support you in things they do not agree with
Hard lesson to learn, painful. 

However it was an important lesson for me to learn, for I learned through experience recently who my "friends" truly are. 

Its lonely from time to time, but I am strong. 

I have had to be strong for a long time, and I will continue to do so in the best way I know how. 

I have learned now who I can trust and who I can not. 

I will continue to be nice and polite to all, but sharing with people who simply do not care makes no sense. 

Bottom line?  If you're my friend, thank you. I appreciate you. 

If you are one of the ones who did the things I listed above? 

Your actions are not what people who are "Friends" do.  Thank you for sh0wing me your true colors. I wish you the best.

Sunday, November 5, 2017

Cambridge City Park 9/2017

Osbourne Back Yard 10/27/17 1st snow of the year


Monday, September 25, 2017

Osbourne Family Update, Fall 2017

Hello Land of Osbourne Readers, 

How was your spring and summer? Ready for Fall and Pumpkin Spice everything? Me too. Fall is my favorite time of year. The cooler weather, crunchy falling leaves, fall colors, all the good stuff.  

John and I had a great summer. Maybe not quite as productive as I would have liked, but what the hell. We work Monday - Friday, 1 hour commute each way every day. I guess its okay if we didn't reach all of our home-owner chore goals for the summer of 2017.  

Next comes Winter. In Minnesota, it can begin anytime from October - December. I don't mind the cold temps, but I HATE driving in snow and ice.​ My "winter" car, Freddy has new tires, and will soon have new brakes and rotors, then we'll be ready to tuck Frank into the garage for the winter and drive Freddy. Knock on wood, my little silver car makes one more winter. If not, we can always pull Frank out and drive him. 

(Yes, I name my cars) 

My sweet Boston Terrier, Ozzy is doing well also. We recently found another little lump on his neck - had it checked out - Vet seems to think its nothing (whew) 

Have a wonderful end of summer, beginning of Fall and winter in the not too distant future. 

Love to you, 

The Osbournes

Wednesday, September 13, 2017

May We Meet Again

Thursday, September 7, 2017

Once Is Enough

All you got is one life
Living once can be rough
But if you live every day all the way
Once is enough
You can own just one suit
Worn and torn at the cuff
But if you're livin' the life that you love
Once is enough
What's the good of reaching ninety
If you waste eighty-nine
You got one life so live it
If you don't it's a crime
Life's a playful puppy
You can grab by the scruff
And if you live every sec' what the heck
Once is enough
Never wait until tomorrow
What if it never comes
Life is a seven layer
Don't you settle for crumbs
Life's a playful puppy
You can grab by the scruff
And if you live every sec' what the heck
Once is enough

Monday, September 4, 2017

My Purple Petunias from 2017

Susie, my Mohave Ball Python

Minnesota State Fair 2017

Ride in the car day for Ozzy! 6 year old Boston Terrier - Cambridge Minnesota USA

Far Side Favorite #2 - Bla Bla Bla Ginger

Far Side Favorite # 1 - SO much for the unicorns

Tuesday, July 18, 2017


So, recently I've noticed a few people "un-friended" me on Facebook. 

While at first I was a little surprised, after giving it some thought, I came to the conclusion I don't really care, which is somewhat unlike me. Of course I feel bad that the people no longer wished to communicate with me, but feel no remorse either.

If you think that unfriending me on facebook is going to crush my spirit, or "that'll show her", I'm sorry to tell you your mission wasn't successful. 

Bottom line: If you want to be my friend, and be in my life in some manner, great.  I'm happy you're here.  If you don't like me, then unfriend me. Life is too short to deal with such petty bullshit. 

Thursday, June 8, 2017

If you're reading this, you know who you are.

​There was a time when I would have done anything for you, I loved you so much.
I knew you had flaws, I'd seen them transpire first hand, but despite it all, I loved you. Even now as I type that, I wonder why.

I even defended you to others, who saw you for who you were, but love blinded me.

Never in a thousand years did I think you were capable of hurting me in such a selfish, intense manner, although based on what I know of your history,and who you are to your core, I shouldn't have been surprised. ​

I thought that you loved me the same way I loved you. 

I was wrong. 

If you truly love someone, you are nearly incapable of hurting them, for you don't wish to see them in pain, much less be the one who caused it.

Do I still love you? 

No. (and I had to look deep for the answer) 

I'm nearly convinced I never knew who you were at all. Nothing will change my mind on this.

The person that I loved does not exist anymore, if SHE ever existed to begin with, and that I will never know for certain. Not that it matters.

What I do know, is you will never have a place in my life again. 

Even if you repent, and did the right thing, (which you are evidently incapable of doing) I would still not allow you into my life, nor would it begin to rebuild trust or any relationship. 

A long time ago, we talked about Karma, and I know then you believed.  


What goes around comes around. 

Do I wish you pain, the sort of pain I experienced? 

No. I don't. 

Why? Because that would make me no better than you.

What I do wish for you? 

Empathy (impossible? I think so)

Someday, you will need something from me, and I will be the ONLY person on the planet who will be able to give it to you. (Of this I am certain. 100%)

Do not make the mistake of asking me for anything.  


I will not give it to you. 

Remember that song, with the lyric: 

They have changed your attitude
Made you haughty and so rude
Your new friends can take the blame
Underneath your still the same

When you've learned these things are true
I'll be waiting here for you
As you tumble to the ground
Pick me up on your way down 

I no longer believe that underneath your still the same

And I won't be waiting here for you. 

Tuesday, June 6, 2017

Too Much

Monday, June 5, 2017

Living with Crohn's Colitis in 2017

​So, every 6 weeks, I have to have an IV infusion of a type of "Chemo-Therapy" drug called Remicade.

I have been on Remicade since mid 2001. 

Remicade + Immuran is what is keeping me alive, for all intents and purposes. (Immuran is a pill I take)​

This combination of drugs are used to combat Crohns Disease, the type I have, specifically, is: Crohns Colitis. 

Fewer than 200,000 US cases per year
Treatment can help, but this condition can't be cured
Requires a medical diagnosis
Lab tests or imaging often required
Chronic: can last for years or be lifelong
Crohn's disease can sometimes causes life-threatening complications.
Crohn's disease can cause abdominal pain, diarrhea, weight loss, anemia, and fatigue. Some people may be symptom free most of their lives, while others can have severe chronic symptoms that never go away.
Crohn's disease cannot be cured. Medications such as steroids and immunosuppressants are used to slow the progression of disease. If these aren't effective, a patient may require surgery. Additionally, patients with Crohn's disease may need to receive regular screening for colorectal cancer due to increased risk.

I read something from a Crohn's group I belong to on Facebook, where someone had financial difficulties and/or insurance challenges, and stated that it took about 5 weeks for the Remicade to "wear off", and for said person to begin to get sick again. 

5 weeks. 

At any given time, I am 5 weeks from getting very very sick. 

Its a very sobering thought for me. 

Once the Remicade wears off, it will begin gradually, but quickly morph into full on illness. 

I am so lucky to have the job I have, with the insurance I do. 

Be grateful that your immune system works correctly. 

Be grateful you don't have to give careful consideration to the types of foods you can or can not eat. 

Be grateful you do not have to be careful around inconsiderate people to come to work sick, thus putting your health at risk.  

I've not given up on a cure, but I am beginning to belive that it will not happen in my lifetime. 

H O W E V E R....

I will NEVER give in and submit to large intestinal removal for any reason. 

I will NEVER become a "bag" lady. 

I salute anyone who has the "Guts" (no pun intended there) to do it, the strength to undergo this, but it will never be me. I will never ever do that. 

Would I rather die than be a bag lady?  Many would not understand, but yes. I would rather die than have a "shit bag" attached to the front of my body for the rest of my life. 

That will never be me. 

So, for the time being, I hold on to the belief that if I keep my damaged diseased intestine intact, someday someone will be able to fix it. 

Thursday, June 1, 2017

Today's Truth

This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
This is the way the world ends
Not with a bang but a whimper

TS Elliott

Friday, May 26, 2017

Foreigner in an Elevator 💜

Wednesday, May 24, 2017

Osbourne Family Update 5/24/17

Hello Land of Osbourne Readers! 

Hope you've all (all....3 of you? LOL) been well and have been having a great spring and looking forward to a wonderful summer. I am, and I know John and Ozzy are too. 

My sweet Boston Terrier Ozzy had to have 2 little lumps removed from his shoulder on Friday of last week. What a terribly stressful and upsetting experience that was. He has 2 incisions, one is about 3" long, the other is about 2" long, and the fur is shaved around the entire area. Interestingly, the thread stitches are purple. (my favorite color, good choice Doc!).  The first day he was home, he was very very groggy and wobbly on his feet. I had to carry him up and down 2 flights of steps to take him to go potty outside. I might mention he weighs 30 pounds. Heck of a work out for 3 days. He is now back to zooming around the house full of energy (Red Bull Ozzy!). I'm obsessively worried he is going to tear or itch his stitches, but so far he has been a good boy. Wednesday the 31st John is taking him in to have them removed and I can rest easy. 

I am off work Friday - Tuesday, as is John. I think we're going to finish painting the spindles on the deck and do some of that fun home owner stuff everyone loves.  

Shout out to my best friend in the known universe, Kim Johnson, soon to be Kim Roeker. She understands my joy, my sorrow, my anger and the intense pain I've felt since September of 2013. Without her and John by my side, I truthfully don't know how I could have made it as far as I have and not wound up in a rubber room permanently.  

I've made the decision that I'm not going to be anxious anymore about certain situations. Additionally,  I am not going to apologize for doing what I need to do to keep myself sane, happy and anxiety free. I am no longer going to do things that I don't want to do, just to make someone else happy if it means its going to make me uncomfortable. 

Have a wonderful summer, will talk to you all again in the not too distant future.  

 - April Osbourne - 

Thursday, May 11, 2017

Pushing Away

Over the last 4 years, I've learned a lot about what it means to be a good person. 

I am slowly crawling out of the protective shell I've been hiding myself under, though comfortable and safe, I realize I can't stay there forever, as much as I want to.

I've also learned that sometimes, even though it sucks, you have to do what you can to protect yourself from any potential for being hurt again.​  You never imagine someone who "loves" you, to inflict intense emotional and mental pain, so when it does happen, it can and will change your outlook on life, yourself, and how you fit into the world around you.
It also shatters any and all trust that has been built up until that point. Trust is earned, you don't automatically have trust just because you're related to them. 

Actions, words and reactions speak volumes. 

Being the kind of person I am, in the past, I've tried  to inflict as little damage to others as possible, to the point in so doing of putting myself out on the line, trusting those around me, who "love" me, not to hurt me. 

Sadly, I've learned that it was a mistake to do that. It was a very difficult lesson for me to learn. 

A friend has been trying to get me to realize I already AM a good person. She is also insisting that its okay to do what I have to do to protect what is left of my shattered heart, even if it means making others unhappy. 

I am going to try to stop apologizing for doing what is right for me and myself. I am not responsible for the feelings of others, I am responsible for my OWN feelings. 

And to those who are guilty, and they know who they are, if it makes you feel better to blame me, because of my reactions, or the reactions of my husbands, then please, continue to tell yourself whatever you need to, to get through the day. In the end, you'll only have yourself to blame for mistakes you refuse to own up to. 

Am I angry about this? Sure, of course I am. I am human. But I am also moving forward. For each day I move forward, the pain receeds, at least for the most part. I am still scarred, still damaged, but I am me. I am a work in progress. I am also going to continue to be selective in who I allow into my life, and my inner circle. The circle is small. 

A final note. 

I do not care what ANYONE thinks of my choices, actions or things I've said. I do not need to explain myself, or apologize for who I am. 

Not anymore. 
This is me. 

You can accuse me of pushing people away, but what you're forgetting is I pushed to protect myself. 

The only one with enough information to judge, is God. 

Thursday, May 4, 2017

I will not beg

I will not beg for your time and attention anymore.

The more you ignored me, the more I got use to being ignored. 

You stopped contacting me, I stopped waiting to hear from you.

The more you stayed away from me, the more I adapted to your absence. 

I have learned to live without you. 

I have moved on. 

If you loved me, you never would have done what you've done. 

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Borderline Personality Disorder

Saturday, February 25, 2017

Thursday, February 16, 2017

In Case You Were Wondering

It is too late. 

At this point, that chapter is finished, that door is closed. (Closed and locked, frankly)

My journey is moving forward. I may glance back from time to time in reflection, and self-examination, but I will not go back down that road again. Ever.

It was your choice not to move forward by my side, and while unfortunate, I will not risk going down that road again. 

You shattered me. 

Shattered me in such a way I wasn't sure I'd be able to recover. 

But I did. I am okay now. 

Additionally, I see what you're doing now. 

Trying to be subtle. 

I noticed, and it makes no difference. 

I am sure at some point I will be forced to be in your presence again, which is fine. Not ideal, but fine. 

Rest assured though, I will not forget how you made me feel. 

Sunday, January 29, 2017



Thursday, December 29, 2016


Sunday, December 25, 2016

Saturday, December 10, 2016

7 Things

Sunday, November 13, 2016


Thursday, October 20, 2016

Bones, on Fox

Back in 2005, I started watching television show, Bones. 

I've been a fan ever since. 

I've cultivated numerous online relationships which stemmed from the common love of the show, the characters, the story lines, all of it. I've even written some fan fiction under my pen name riviera41797 - although nothing recently. 

Every year as television show renewal and cancellations came up, Bones fans of the world waited, hoping for another year of Bones, and for 11 years, we were lucky. 

12 seasons of Bones, its been such a constant in my life. Television shows come and go, but Bones was always one I could count on as the new seasons began with shows that may or may not make it. I always knew, one day of the week, I had my favorite show, Bones. Didn't matter to me if it was on a Monday or a Friday. I was going to watch it, and my husband, friends and family knew not to bother me during Bones.

Bones has been my favorite show for the last 11 years, and will continue to be my favorite long after its gone. 

Special thanks to Emily Deschanel and David Boreanaz who brought these characters to light in the best possible way.  Thanks also to Hart Hanson for "inventing" the characters and story lines.

I feel like I'm losing a friend as Bones end, but am thankful for the friendships its created, and am thankful for the DVDs I own! 

Wednesday, October 19, 2016

Not Everyone

Not everyone thinks the way you think,

knows the things you know,

believes the things you believe, 

nor acts the way you would act. 

Remember this

and you will go a long way

in getting along with people

-Arthur Forman -

Saturday, October 1, 2016


Wednesday, August 31, 2016


Wednesday, August 24, 2016

Indian legend

Saturday, July 23, 2016

Two reasons

Tuesday, June 28, 2016

New (used) Ford Focus

Hi All!

Since March of 2011, I've been driving my little silver Ford Focus SE, whom I named Freddy. Freddy has over 200,000 miles and still runs great. Its a little rough around the edges, but I own it.

I have 2 payments left on the Harley Davidson I bought for John, and knew we'd be needing something with lower miles, so that we don't run Freddy into the ground and be left with nothing.

John has been on the look out for a replacement for me, and found a 2013 Ford Focus SE, with 23,000 miles on it (wow! practically new!). I LOVE IT.

It has tons of bells and whistles, is an automatic transmission, air conditioning, even has a USB. Very nice. Its black, which gives me the excuse to wash it as often as I want. Clean black cars look awesome. Named my new car: Frank.

Welcome to the Osbourne family Frank!

Thursday, June 23, 2016

Osbourne Family Update

​Greetings and Salutations! 

It seems like a good time to do an Osbourne Family Update. 

Lets start with John, aka King of the Husbands. He is doing great. His job is going well, he is busy and seems to have really found his niche and is thriving at his job. Although he does work 1/2 day every Saturday, it all works well, that gives me time to get my Saturday morning housework done, so when he finally does get home, we can enjoy our weekend together. I'm so proud of him!

Ozzy - my sweet little Boston Terrier who I love to pieces and spoil at every opportunity is doing good too. Recently, Jeanette, my mother in law moved out after getting married, so he does miss her. But she comes over and checks on him several times a day. She only lives like 3 miles from us, so its not a long drive, and Ozzy loves his Grandma Jeanette. :)

Birdie update - I have 9 Zebra Finches, 2 Shaft Tail Finches, and 1 lonely female Gouldian Finch. Birdies all doing well. Every other week I do a total bird cage overhaul. I have a very very large bird cage John customized for me. One of my simple pleasures, is after the weekend house work is done, I sit in my recliner, sip coffee or tea, and watch them. So relaxing. 

Recently, our Chilean Rose Tarantula, Charlotte died. ​ We adopted her when a friend of John's died, and his wife couldn't find anyone who wanted her. She figured since John has a Python, why wouldn't he want a Tarantula too? No idea how hold she was, but we gave her a good life. Its weird. I never held her, but I sort of miss having her around.  It was sort of cool to see her creep around her little tank.

We have a "pet" mouse I liberated from being snake food. John and I both bought baby Ball Pythons this winter, (Vincent and Susie) so they're eating mice. So, I have a little white mouse named Mickey that I evidently overfeed, as he is a little fat. Love him though. When I clean his tank, I put him in a little hamster ball and let him run around the house. Ozzy is curious but knows to leave him alone. :) 

Now for me. I am doing good. I feel more free and happier than I've been in a long time. I let go of the pain and hurt of the past and am concentrating on moving forward and the future. Without John, I never would have made it through the severe depression I was in. 
My best friend Kim was a lifesaver as well. I don't know what I ever did to deserve such a caring, loving, trustworthy and steadfast friend as she is. I struggle with Agoraphobia and Social Anxiety, but she puts up with me anyway. I make it a point to try and hang out with her one Sunday a month. Kim is also Ozzy's Godmother. I know if anything were to happen to John and I, she would make sure he was taken care of. Ozzy loves his auntie Kim. :) 

Work is going well for me too. While every job has its challenges, I am happy with my job and feel thankful that I work where I do. 

John and I are looking forward to working on the house in the upcoming year or so. First up is our deck. We are going to strip, sand and paint it. It really needs it. Excited to see how it turns out. 

Hope you're all well. Drop me a line sometime! 


Saturday, June 11, 2016

Top ten myths about introverts

Sunday, May 29, 2016


My secret?

Saturday, May 28, 2016

This pretty much sums it up.

Friday, May 13, 2016

Dear God


He looks so irritated, "enough with the camera!"

Wasn't sorry

Saturday, May 7, 2016

Just a dog, right?

Thursday, May 5, 2016


Tuesday, May 3, 2016


Monday, May 2, 2016


Thursday, April 21, 2016

Out of storage!

Monkey bars


Thursday, April 14, 2016

The other serenity prayer

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

John Sabbath Osbourne, my love

​Hello Land of Osbourne readers, 

I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the awesomeness that is the love of my life, my soulmate, my kindred spirit, my very best friend, my husband, John. 

What prompted me to do this?

This morning, I texted him to see if he wanted to meet me for coffee at lunch. (I work 3 miles away from him, I can pick whatever time I go to lunch). There is a coffee shop across the road from Aaron Carlson where he works called: Diamonds. He texted me back the following: "Ok, I can't wait. I love you so much". 


Amazing right? Been with this guy since I was 19 years old. our 19th wedding anniversary is quickly approaching. I ask him to have coffee, he says  he can't wait. We ride share. We're together almost all the time, yet he still gets excited to see me. 

That, my friends, is true love. 

Being married to me, I'd imagine is difficult. (though you'd never know it from his perspective). I have anxiety, panic, and depression issues. Severe. I also have Crohn's disease and from time to time a myriad of other issues, yet he doesn't complain, but is here for me in every way, 150%. 

He's my friend, my love, psychologist, plumber, car mechanic, handy man, ​financial supporter, simply put, he's my all. 

Thank you John Osbourne, for being you, for being my love, and for not caring that I had a boyfriend when I met you. 

John quote: "I wasn't going to let a boyfriend get in my way of getting to date you"

Best thing in the WORLD that ever happened to me. 

Can't wait for April 17th!

Friday, April 1, 2016

Don't believe

Saturday, March 26, 2016

Little April

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Ozzy, my Boston Terrier


Friday, March 18, 2016


May We Meet Again

In peace may you leave this shore,

In love you may find the next,

Safe passage in your travels,

Until your final journey on the ground,

May we meet again.

Saturday, March 12, 2016

One or the other

Tuesday, March 8, 2016

God works in mysterious ways


Happy Birthday Bernie Matykiewicz

I hope you are having a great time in Heaven. I love you and miss you every day.