Land of Osbourne

You will receive a body.  You may like it or hate it, but it's the only thing you are sure to keep for the rest of your life. You will learn lessons.  You are enrolled in a full-time informal school called "Life on Planet Earth."  Every person or incident is the Universal Teacher. There are no mistakes, only lessons.  Growth is a process of experimentation.  "Failures" are as much a part of the process as "success." A lesson is repeated until learned.  It is presented to you in various forms until you learn it -- then you can go on to the next lesson. If you don't learn easy lessons, they get harder.  External problems are a precise reflection of your internal state.  When you clear inner obstructions, your outside world changes.  Pain is how the universe gets your attention. You will know you've learned a lesson when your actions change.  Wisdom is practice.  A little of something is better than a lot of nothing. "Ther...

In kindergarten your idea of a good friend was the person who let you have the red crayon when all that was left was the ugly black one. In first grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went to the bathroom with you and held your hand as you walked through the scary halls. In second grade your idea of a good friend was the person who helped you stand up to the class bully. In third grade your idea of a good friend was the person who shared their lunch with you when you forgot yours on the bus. In fourth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who was willing to switch square dancing partners in gym so you wouldn't have to be stuck do-si-do-ing with Nasty Nicky or Smelly Susan. In fifth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who saved a seat in the back of the bus for you. In sixth grade your idea of a good friend was the person who went up to Nick or Susan, your new crush, and asked them to dance with you, so that if they said no you wouldn't have t...

1.  Life isn't fair, but it's still good. 2.  When in doubt, just take the next small step. 3.  Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. 4.  Don't take yourself so seriously.  No one else does. 5.  Pay off your credit cards every month. 6.  You don't have to win every argument.  Agree to disagree. 7.  Cry with someone.  It's more healing than crying alone. 8.  It's OK to get angry with God.  He can take it. 9.  Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck. 10.  When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile. 11.  Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present. 12.  It's OK to let your children see you cry. 13.  Don't compare your life to others'.  You have no idea what their journey is all about. 14.  If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it. 15.  Everything can change in the blink of an eye.  But don't ...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to...

1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the heck are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after B...

When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of coffee. A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, e...

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.  You surround yourself with people who make you laugh.  Forget the bad, and focus on the good.  Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't.  Life is too short to be anything but happy. Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it!   I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!  I am a whole complex package.   Take me. . . or leave me. Accept me--or walk away!   Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.   If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.