Land of Osbourne

This explains SO much! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Misunderstanding and disagreement in any relationship can actually be an opportunity to learn about ourselves.  However, most of the time we simply focus on how the other person is  wrong .  It is easier to point the finger than to look to ourselves and face the unpleasant truth that we may share some or all of the responsibility.  We think, "If he (or she) were only more considerate, had more time for me, or did the dishes more,  then  I'd be happy." Instead of looking at our own behavior, we believe that the other person is the problem.  We believe we are justified, reasonable and more than fair.   They  need to change. When I believe I am right, I spend an exorbitant amount of time re-hashing the situation in my mind.  I obsessively review the other person's responses and actions to find the evidence I need to be right.  In this internal dialogue, nothing changes.  I try to rebuild my case, yet I get nowhere.  If I...

Hi Guys!  So on Friday of last week, I get a call from my boss in California. He asked if I would be interested in taking over as office manager for our office in Roseville, Minnesota.  I was really surprised to say the least. (me? an office MANAGER?)  I accepted. Over the last year I've been slowly been taking over more and more tasks from the current office manager, and now I get the whole kip & kaboodle.  She isn't fired or leaving or anything, but this frees her up to take care of her growing list of other duties involving sales representatives.   I haven't gone to college. No technical schooling, yet here I am making good pay as an office manager in a job I actually enjoy and like.  Had to share - thanks for reading.  April

May every day of your life bring you fresh hopes for  tomorrow - because hope gives all of us our reason for trying. May each new day bring a feeling of excitement , joy, and wonderful sense of expectation . Expect the best, and you'll get it. May you find peace in simple things , because those are the ones that will always be there. May you remember the good times and forget the sorrow and pain , for the good times will remind you of how special your life has been. May you always feel secure and loved and know you are the best. May you experience all the good things in life - the happiness of realizing your dreams , the joy of feeling worthwhile , and the satisfaction of knowing you've succeeded.  May you find warmth in others , expressions of love and kindness , smiles that encourage you , and friends who are loyal and honest . May you realize the importance of patience and accept others for what they are. With understanding and love , you'll find the good ...

Greetings! I have my follow up appointment today with the digestive specialists to go over the results of my colonoscopy. Good news - no disease activity, no present inflammation, and the biopsies they took are all non cancerous. She did point out that I am at high risk for cancer so they are going to continue to closely monitor me. YAY!

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another. To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go" ...

This coming Friday, September 6th is my annual (every 6 months I get to do this) colonoscopy, to check the progress of the disease and to check for cancer again. Last time we did this song and dance, they found pre-cancerous stuff, which is the kind of thing that when it grows up it turns into cancer, so persona non grata. Which means, after midnight tonight -NO solid food. (cries!) NO food at all to be consumed until oh, 3pm-ish on Friday. No. I am not nervous or scared. I'm sure you've all heard before the prep is worse than the experience of it - which is true. I'll let you know how it all goes. If you recall 6 months ago when I did this, I had to go to the emergency room as there was a ton of internal bleeding from where the doc took a biopsy. Hoping not to relive that experience.

I stood by your bed last night, I came to have a peep. I could see that you were crying...you found it hard to sleep. I whined to you softly as you brushed away  a tear. "It's me, I haven't left you...I'm well, I'm fine, I'm here." I was close to you at breakfast, I watched you pour the tea. You were thinking of the many times, your hands reached down to me. I was with you at the shops today, your arms were getting sore. I longed to take your parcels, I wish I could do more. I was with you at my grave today, you tend it with such care. I want to reassure you that I am not lying there. I walked with you toward the house, as you fumbled for your key, I gently put my paw on you. I smiled and said, "It's me." You looked so very tired, and sank into a chair. I tried so hard to let you know that I was standing there. It's possible for me to be so near you every day. To say to you with certainty, "I never went away." You sat there very...

So you guys know that my beloved Boston Terrier Katie crossed the rainbow bridge on June 15th. Being an avid Boston Terrier lover, I am a fan of any and all Boston rescue efforts. One of the ones that I "like" on Facebook is MidAmerica Boston Terrier Rescue - their website is:  http://www.adoptaboston.com/ They have a deal where you submit a photo of your Boston Terrier, and a $25.00 donation, and your Boston Baby is guaranteed a spot on the 2014 Calendar. I found out about this right around the time I lost my Goose. What better way to remember my sweetheart than to donate to this wonderful rescue site and immortalize my Goose? Here is the last picture I took of my Katie, the day before she crossed the rainbow bridge - this is the one I submitted. I received confirmation today that my Goose will indeed be on the 2014 Calendar. I cried a little, out of sadness and joy all at the same time. I love you Katie Goose. I'll see you again someday sweetheart. Until...

Greetings & Salutations!  I figured I haven't updated my millions of fans out there so I am taking time to do so today.  I think when we last spoke I told you about my Katie Goose who crossed the rainbow bridge. I am doing better.  Earlier this week,  I dreamt that I was in a mental hospital because I couldn't stop crying. I kept telling everyone I lost my Goose, and that if I could just find her I would be okay.  They showed me a picture of my goose and asked if this was her, I said yes.  They took me down the hall and brought me into this little room, and opened a door, and Katie came running out, and into my arms. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed and held her in my arms and cuddled her and told her how much I loved her. She looked up at me and kissed me and she telepathically told me how much she loved me too. She was young, and slender and healthy.  Sorta neat huh?  You guys know I have birds, Gouldian F...

To let go isn't to forget, not to think about, or ignore.   It doesn't le ave feelings of anger, jealousy, or regret.    Letting go isn't about  winning or losing.   It's not about pride and it's not about how you  appear, and it's not obsessing or dwelling on the past.  Letting go  isn't blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts, and it doesn't leave emptiness, hurt, or sadness.   It's not about giving in or giving up. Letting go isn't about loss and it's not about defeat.  To let go is  to cherish the memories, but to overcome and move on.    It is having  an open mind and confidence in the future.  Letting go is learning  and experiencing and growing.   To let go is to be thankful for the  experiences that made you laugh, made you cry, and made you grow. It's about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you will  soon gain.   Letting go is havi...

Today John and I are taking our precious Katie Goose to the vet for the last time. A few months ago she began having seizures and was put on medication. Thursday night they've returned, and again last night. Faced with giving her more pills to mask a brain problem or letting her cross the rainbow bridge is breaking my heart, but I can't keep her here with us and be selfish, is time for her to go home. I know my big sweet Rommy Bear will meet her and show her the way. 11:20 today we say goodbye. We've been blessed to have her in our life for the last 12 years, she's led a good, much loved life. RIP Baby Goose.

God hath not promised skies always blue, Flower-strewn pathways all our lives through; God hath not promised sun without rain, Joy without sorrow, peace without pain But God hath promised strength for the day, Rest for the labor, light for the way, Grace for the trials, help from above,  Unfailing sympathy, undying love. God hath not promised we shall not know Toil and temptation, trouble and woe; He hath not told us we shall not bear Many a burden, many a care. God hath not promised smooth roads and wide, Swift, easy travel, needing no guide; Never a mountain, rocky and steep, Never a river, turbid and deep.

So I work in Roseville, Minnesota. Often in the suburbs and cities one often sees Mallards and Canadian Geese around and occasionally a white goose. This morning, I got to work early as usual and was sitting in my car reading my book.  I heard this sound that sounded like a turkey "gobble gobble". I looked around, didn't see anything. Went on reading my book.  Heard the sound again. Looked up, huge turkey strolling around the grass. Huh.  I got out of the car to go in to work, 5 more turkeys casually walking around the parking lot.  I went into the building, set my purse and keys down, looked up and they were all by the front doors looking in at me.  Turkeys....in Roseville, MN? Weird. 

When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you hang my first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another one. When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you feed a stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind to animals. When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I learned that little things can be the special things in life. When you thought I wasn't looking, I heard you say a prayer, and I knew there is a God I could always talk to and I learned to trust in God. When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you make a meal and take it to a friend who was sick,  and I learned that we all have to help take care of each other. When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of your time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don't. When you thought I wasn't looking, I felt you kiss me good-night, and I felt lo...

THEN IT IS WINTER I FIRST STARTED READING THIS EMAIL AND WAS  READING  FAST UNTIL I REACHED THE THIRD SENTENCE. I STOPPED AND STARTED OVER  READING SLOWER AND THINKING ABOUT EVERY WORD. THIS EMAIL IS VERY THOUGHT PROVOKING. MAKES YOU STOP AND THINK. READ SLOWLY! You know. . . time has a way of moving quickly and catching you unaware of the passing years. It seems just yesterday that I was young, just married and embarking on my new life with my mate. Yet in a way, it seems like eons ago, and I wonder where all the years went. I know that I lived them all. I have glimpses of how it was back then and of all my hopes and dreams. But, here it is... the winter of my life and it catches me by surprise...How did I get here so fast? Where did the years go and where did myyouth go? I remember well seeing older people through the years and thinking that those older people were years away from me and thatwinter was so far off that I could not fathom it or imagine fully...

I'll be as strong as a mountain Or weak as a willow tree Anyway you want me Well that's how I will be I'll be as tame as a baby Or wild as the raging sea Anyway you want me Well that's how I will be In your hands my heart is clay To take and hold as you may I'm what you make me You've only to take me And in your arms I will stay I'll be a fool or a wise man And my darling you hold the key Yes, anyway you want me Well that's how I will be, I will be Any Way You Want Me (that's how I will be) (posted for my sweetheart John, everytime I hear this song by Elvis, I think of him, for it describes him to a T)

On April 17th, 1997 at approximately 7pm, I married John Osbourne in Las Vegas Nevada, at the Las Vegas Wedding Gardens. I was 23 years old. John was 27. I am now 39 years old and looking back that seems impossibly young to get married. On April 17th, 1993 also at approximately 7pm, I went out on my first date with John Osbourne, at DeGidios Italian Restaurant in St.Paul, Mn. I was 19 years old. John was 22. I can say that the road we've traveled hasn't been smooth sailing the whole way, its been rocky in some spots, a tough road, however through the good times, the bad times and the very hard times, we've found a way to make it through. I love John more than I ever thought I could love another person. I am so grateful to have him with me. To have someone like him who embraces me for who I am, even though I am positive I drive him nuts from time to time.  He is my best friend in the world, and I can't imagine my life without him in it. Happy Anniversar...

  There's a brand new day on the horizon Everything's gonna be just fine There's a brand new day on the horizon And the whole world's gonna be mine I'm gonna tell old trouble, he'd better be moving on Happiness is going to take his place around here from now on The old dark clouds are gonna roll away The sun is gonna shine And the whole world's gonna be mine I'm gonna tell old heartaches, pack his bags and go I've decided that I don't want him hanging around no more Don't you know I said everything's gonna be just fine 'Cause the whole world's gonna be mine I'm gonna chase away those blues till they're out of sight And I guarantee you honey they won't be coming back Well don't you know I said everything's gonna be all right 'Cause the whole world's gonna be mine I know my luck's gonna change, just you wait and see Startin' tomorrow only good things in life are going to come to me There's a...

Why are Chronic Diseases like Crohn’s Disease, Colitis and Inflammatory Bowel Disease (“IBD”) such expensive medical conditions for Patients who even have Health Insurance?  I get asked this question many times by friends and acquaintances who care a great deal about me and can’t understand how my Crohn’s Disease has so badly damaged my financial “health” when all along the way I have maintained my Health Insurance. This is what I tell them when I try to explain. Any Chronic Disease such as these, which is also incurable with autoimmune components, can create ongoing needs for medical care, expensive drug treatments, unpredictable or emergent hospitalizations and possibly several surgeries. While having Health Insurance is BEST, people don’t typically understand that in an ideal setting the Health Insurance Company may pay 70% of the cost of what they deem to be “reasonable and customary” for any of the aforementioned medical costs but there may be also be a significant “Deduct...

1. My life is likely to last 10 to 15 years. Any separation from you will be painful: remember that before you get me.  2. Give me time to understand what you want of me.  3. Place your trust in me- it is crucial to my well-being. 4. Do not be angry at me for long, and do not lock me up as punishment. 5. You have your work, your entertainment, and your friends. I only have you. 6. Talk to me sometimes. Even if I don't understands your words, I understand your voice when it is speaking to me.  7. Be aware that however you treat me, I will never forget.  8. Remember before you hit me that I have teeth that could easily hurt you, but I choose not to bite you because I love you.  9. Before you scold me for being uncooperative, obstinate or lazy, ask yourself if something might be bothering me. Perhaps I might not be getting the right food, or I have been out too long, or my heart is getting too old and weak. 10. Take care of me when I get old; you too will ...

I am struggling with major depression. I have had it pretty much since I was around 18, off and on. I've been on every antidepressant out there: Prozac Paxil Effexor Zoloft Luvox Xanax I am currently on Wellbutrin XL and Buspar. With Xanax on the side too. Also broke down and found a Psychologist. One thing about depression, while your in the middle of it, its hard to remember what it was like to be happy. I'm embarassed and ashamed. I don't feel I have any right to be depressed. Saw this picture today. This sums up exactly how I've been feeling. Its so hard to pretend all day long that I am happy. It is so hard to force myself out in the world and be social, when all I want to do is curl up in bed and hide there.