the irritation of having an incurable disease

​So, the other day, John asked me what would happen if I stopped taking the medication I take (the list is irritatingly significant). I gave it some thought and answered him, but it got me thinking...about how close I could come to kicking the bucket without them, and its quite startling. ​

So here we go: 

Immuran - Crohn's Disease immune system suppressant

Humira - Crohn's Disease shutter offer (for lack of a better description)

Metropolol - blood pressure

Omeprozole - acid reflux

now here is the fun ones:

Seroquil - depression/anxiety/panic

Zoloft - depression/anxiety/panic

Wellbutrin - depression/anxiety/panic

Xanax - self explanatory 

So, the first drug that is going to wear off (and I know this because I've missed a day taking it) will be Omeprozole. Acid reflux will come roaring back - really painful. I'd have to eat a constant stream of antacids for minimal comfort

Second drug that is going to wear off is the blood pressure one, Metropolol

Next will be the anti-depressants, and that is where EVERYTHING will make me sad, to the point I am crying over anything and everything. Then I'll begin to have extreme anxiety and panic, functioning will become difficult.  At one point, a doctor I was seeing tried to change the anti-depressants I was taking, so I KNOW this is what is going to happen, because I've done it already.

Finally, the Crohn's drugs.  Not hard to imagine at this point, as now is not a good time for me with Crohn's.  No appetite, non-stop diarrhea (think 10+ times a day), which will eventually lead to nutritional deficiencies, and dehydration, progressively getting worse. 

Then at some point down the road from this, my body won't be able to handle all this anymore and shut down.  

Doesn't that sound horrible? The Humira costs 14,000 per injection, which I take twice a month. No idea what the other drugs cost, pretty sure they're pricey though - to the point I'd not be able to afford them for long with no insurance. 

Its worth mentioning - nothing will ever change how I feel on this next statement, ever. 

I will NEVER EVER consent to have my large intestine removed and being fitted with a colostomy bag. NEVER. 

Would I rather die than having a shit bag attached to my abdomen? 

YES

I've had to give this idea thought since I was diagnosed in 2001, so this isn't a new determination, I've had years to think about this. 

The answer is no and it always will be.