Land of Osbourne

I know you've all been waiting breathlessly for me to update my blog ....(pause for wild applause), so here I am. Updating. John as of now is still unemployed, driving me crazy. AT least he empties the dishwasher now though. THAT is a major improvement. :) We also have added a new animal to our family. White kitten named Kashmir. Sounds so cute, so sweet, so cuddly, right. Wrong. She is the kitten from HELL. She was born on April 1st. Named her Kashmir from the Led Zepplin song. (love that song) man - she LOVES  to bite. We had to go out and purchase squirt guns (a 6 pack), and place them stragecially throughout the house. In an effort to get her to stop biting fingers, toes, anything her mouth can get on, biting Katie, biting Rommy, biting the iguana's tail, getting into the plants, climbing the screen door, etc. There is about an hour or 2 a day where she IS cute, fluffy, purry, cuddly kitty, the the other 90% of the time, she is a little shit. Hoping she calm...

Sometime this year, we taxpayers will again receive another 'Economic Stimulus' payment. This is indeed a very exciting program, and I'll explain it by using a Q & A format: Q. What is an 'Economic Stimulus' payment ? A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. Q. Where will the government get this money ? A. From taxpayers. Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? A. Only a smidgen of it. Q. What is the purpose of this payment ? A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy. Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China ? A. Shut up and watch your mouth. Below is some helpful advice on how to best help the U.S. economy by spending your stimulus check wisely: * If you spend the stimulus money at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka . * If you spend it on gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs. ...

Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it! Rule 2: The world doesn't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both. Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your Grandparents had a different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity. Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parent's generation, ...

\ 1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After our hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.. 6. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time). 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with...

Shannen Doherty, actress, has Crohn’s Disease. She has been battling the ailment for years. She will be on Dancing with the Stars this month. Dwight D. Eisenhower, 34th president of the United States suffered from Crohn’s disease and underwent an emergency resection in 1956 while in office. David Garrard, the Jacksonville Jaguars quarterback was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease in March of 2004. Mike McCready, lead guitarist of Pearl Jam was diagnosed with Crohn’s at the age of 21. Rolando McClain, a college football player & NFL draft prospect recently revealed he has Crohn’s. Read about him here http://bit.ly/9UloRU Anastacia, the American born singer and song writer, was diagnosed with Crohn’s disease at the age of 13. Anastacia has sold over 25 million albums worldwide. Mary Ann Mobley, crowned Miss America in 1959, was diagnosed in her early 20’s with Crohn’s disease. She starred in sever films with Elvis Presley. She is also the co-chairwoman of the Cele...

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. 2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire. 3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it. 5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted. 7. Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else. 8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet. 9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments. 10. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes. 11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you. 12. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to...

BITCHOLOGY When I stand up for myself and my beliefs, they call me a bitch. When I stand up for those I love, they call me a bitch. When I speak my mind, think my own thoughts or do things my own way, they call me a bitch. Being a bitch means I won’t compromise what’s in my heart It means I live my life MY way. It means I won't allow anyone to step on me. When I refuse to tolerate injustice and speak against it, I am defined as a bitch. The same thing happens when I take time for myself instead of being everyone's maid, or when I act a little selfish. It means I have the courage and strength to allow myself to be who I truly am and won't become anyone else's idea of what they think I 'should' be.... I am outspoken, opinionated and determined. I want what I want and there is nothing wrong with that! So try to stomp on me, just try to douse my inner flame, try to squash every ounce of beauty I hold within me. ...