Land of Osbourne

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’ I left Andy’s office with some written instructions , and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began ...

Hi Guys, Here are some little "April Updates" for you all. First, I'd like to thank Harley Davidson for finally sending me that check back that I messed up on and that Wells Fargo did nothing on. Thanks. I am going to now be thrilled to pay Mom and Dad back as well as my cousin Heather & Mike. It makes me nuts to owe money to people I love. Second, I made my 2nd opinion help me my knee is screwed up appointment. That is for Tuesday March 12th. That is the first available appointment they had, so hopefully my knee and I can reach some sort of understanding. . . Dear Right Knee,  I'm sorry. Things haven't worked out quite as I'd hoped these last 10 months or so. I think I can say that its a little of my fault and a little of yours, yes? Sure, I probably should have kept up with the knee exercises that the physical therapist gave me, but in my defense, things have been a little busy. You though, I think we can both agree that you could have tried ...

Don’t Take Anything Personally.  Nothings others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. - Don Miguel Ruiz,

Hello faithful Land of Osbourne Readers You may recall, back in May of 2012 I had ACL & Miniscus surgery on my right knee. I made it successfully through surgery, recovery and later, physical therapy. I have some not so fond memories of the huge cumbersome knee brace I was forced to wear. After surgery I met with the guy who did the work, to see how my knee felt, bla bla bla. He shook his head in a sort of resigned way and advised me my knees are very very loose. My flexibility is going to be an ongoing problem. (doesn't that just give you warm fuzzy feelings?) He also indicated that its very hard for him to test my knees because they're so loose. Even right after the surgery, my right knee was loose. When I first met the guy, he said that if they do a cadaver ACL replacement, the healing is faster and the pain is significantly less. (Well hell, that sounds good to me!). The only down fall was that the likely hood of having to do all this again is higher. (I mus...