Confused

On my drive to work today, I was thinking about how people turn out.

2 people, raised the same way, given the same things, shown the same moral values - how is it possible that one skews so far to the side and one turns out fairly normal?

Everyone basically knows right from wrong. How can someone justify intentionally hurting other people? Specifically family members?  People you're suppose to love no matter what?

Everyone knows how Karma works.

If you set out to intentionally hurt someone, and deep down, you KNOW its wrong, yet do it anyway out of jealousy, hurt, fear or a false sense of entitlement, regardless your motives, it WILL turn around and bite you in the ass eventually.

Every time.

Guaranteed.

There is no escaping it.

Even if you've been wronged by someone, it doesn't make it okay or right to lash out and hurt people back.

Eventually, down the road, after the hurts have been doled out, and you get bit in the ass from Karma, you will then cry to anyone who will listen how now YOU'VE been hurt, not looking back at what you yourself have done to others.

People need to learn how to take responsibilty for their actions. If someone screws up, admit it. Apologize when you've done wrong. Move on.

If someone is in your life that does nothing but hurt you time after time, then you can continue to allow it to happen, or close the door to that person.

I think often how I've been hurt. I try not to dwell the pain I've been given by those who are suppose to love me. But its hard.

thanks for listening.

November 6th, get out there and VOTE!

Today is the day that American's get to help choose our new leaders. Not voting is simply not an option for myself and my family. 

My Dad and Mom always have impressed upon me the importance of voting, always. 

To quote my Mom: 

"If you don't get out there and vote, you don't get to bitch about the government for the next 4 years" 

I don't care WHO you vote for, just get out there and DO IT! 


Plus, the political ads will be gone! 

Pre-Existing Condition

Greetings Land of Osbourne readers,

Normally I don't blog about things like this but I'm pissed at the current politicians and want to get some things off my chest. If this sort of thing bothers you, I'm sorry. I won't do this often.

I have a disease for which there is no cure. It is a painful and embarrassing. It is expensive. VERY expensive.

Every 6 weeks I am required to have an infusion of a drug called Remicade. If I didn't have medical insurance, I would pay about $10,000 per appointment. Every 6 weeks.

If I didn't have insurance through my work, I would be unable to get insurance on my own without Obamacare set up. He has protected me in making it illegal for insurance companies to deny me due to my pre-existing condition.

Now, there is an expirament going on at the Mayo Clinic, and other places that are using stem cells from the person the stem cells are being used on. The stem cells are showing to eliminate Crohns disease.

People who are against stem cell use are under the mistaken impression that they are coming from aborted babies and other equally sad places.  Its people like these that are preventing my dream from becoming a reality. If people had a loved one in their life with a disease like mine, for which there is no cure, knowing there was a good chance that stem cells will cure them, then I think stem cells would become more used and less taboo.

The disease I have is bad. One way of keeping things under control is surgery. With Crohn's disease, if you try to just "resection", the disease will just reappear where the resectioning took place. As a result, the answer is to remove the large intestine all together. Which means a colostomy bag.

I have told my friends, family members, loved ones and the doctors that for me,this is not an option. If it means dying a slow,miserable death, I refuse. No. I realize its a scary thought for the people who love me, but my mind is made up. And I will not change it.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Vincent my Betta

One of the strongest, longest lived Betta fishes I've ever had died yesterday morning. Vincent, named after the Bones episode where the character Vincent Nigel Murray died. So I've had him for almost 2 years.

Vincent was a tough little fish. On 3 seperate occasions, while I was cleaning his home, he slid down the drain into the garbage disposal. He lived, no problems. On another occasion he must have decided to check out the outside world, I found him (after who knows how long), and he lived. Like I said, tough little Betta.

RIP Vincent.

Narcissistic Sociopath

Tuesday is Remicade Infusion Day

Hi Land of Osbourne fans,

Today is Remicade infusion day for me. As you may recall, the cool new awesome Doctors have upped my infusions to every 6 weeks instead of every 8 weeks. They couldn't just up the dosage as I am at the maximum amount I can have.

So I have an infusion today between 12-2p. Then another in 6 weeks. After that one I go back and they are going to do a different sort of test to check out those pre-cancerous cells they found. (pre-cancerous meaning when these cells grow up they turn into cancer). Of course the cells were found in a part of my large intestine that is NORMAL, not diseased.

They also tested me for some virus. Evidently, if I've ever had this virus, I can never be treated with this super strong drug called Tysabri. I guess this drug is at the top of the Crohn's drug food chain. If the Remicade stops working then that one is a possibility - if Humara doesn't work that is. (that is next in line I think). However, this Tysabri is pretty risky also I guess. The 1st time I get it there is some danger of a brain infection. 2nd time, greater risk, 3rd, even higher. Strange.

The doc also told me that while probiotics are good, there is also a risk with them - "bacteria is bacteria", which can lead to sepsis. She said it would be better to just eat Greek Yogurt. Interesting.  I love that greek yogurt that John Stamos endorses. Oikos. Yummy. (although he's yet to appear to me as I am eating it, as the commercial suggests could happen).

In other news, I went to Brainerd this past weekend and hung out with Mom and Dad. I had such a nice time. Mom made Beef Stew with Dumplings. Awesome! We also went to this cool self serve yogurt bar - Cherry Berry's, which is my new favorite place in Brainerd. Sorry Coco Moon.

I am hoping to go back up to see them before Thanksgiving. They have my Bones season 1-6, which I need to reclaim. Might borrow them Warehouse 13 season 1-2. I need to pick up the following TV on DVD:  Bones season 7, Fringe season 4, Warehouse 13 season 3, and I'd LIKE to get Son's of Anarchy season 1-4, although I have burned copies from my cousin Kathie.

Anyway - thats all that is new and shaking in my world. I know you guys were all dying to know how I was doing. The requests have been pouring in. (well, not really, heh)

Take care all,
April

Words of Wisdom for hard times

Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside first in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger, smarter version of yourself.

Here are some lessons we’ve learned along the way:

1. You are not what happened to you in the past. – No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.
2. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. – You are who you are and you have what you have, right now.  And it can’t be that bad, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to read this.  The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought that inspires and helps you move forward.  Hold on to it strongly, and focus on it.  You may feel like you don’t have much, or anything at all, but you have your mind to inspire you.  And that’s really all you need to start moving forward again.  
3. Struggling with problems is a natural part of growing. – Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life.  People lose jobs, get sick, and sometimes die in car accidents.  When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize.  The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions.  To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that.  To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse.  And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
4. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. – You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.  And a smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy.  Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.
5. Life is fragile, sudden, and shorter than it often seems. – There may not be a tomorrow – not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it.  Every moment you get is a gift.  Don’t waste time by dwelling on unhappy things.  Spend it on things that move you in the direction you want to go.
6. You will fail sometimes. – The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
7. You have the capacity to create your own happiness. – Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling.  You can hold onto past mistakes or you can create your own happiness. A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.  True happiness comes from within.
8. Emotionally separate yourself from your problems. – You are far greater than your problems.  You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together.  And that means you’re more powerful than them – you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them.
9. Don’t make a problem bigger than it is. – You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
10. Everything that happens is a life lesson. – Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc.  They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’  Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.