Forgiveness

Forgiveness is letting go of the pain and accepting what has happened because it will not change. 

Forgiveness is dismissing the blame. 

Choices were made that caused the hurt; 

We each could have chosen differently, but we didn't.

Forgiveness is looking at the pain, learning the lessons it has produced, and understanding what we have learned. 

Forgiveness is starting over with the knowledge that I have gained.

I Wanna Be Johnny's Girl

A song just played on my iphone and it made me recall this.

There is this one hit wonder called: "Bobby's Girl" by Marcie Blane from the 60's.

When I FIRST met John, I was 18, going on 19, and I'd walk around the house (I lived at home), and I'd sing the lyrics, except I'd change it from "Bobby's Girl" to "Johnny's girl"

there is this one part of the song where the back ground singers are singing:

"Your not a kid anymore...."

On the icing on my birthday cake when I turned 19, Mom had the bakers write:

"Your not a kid anymore"....

Here are the lyrics to that song:

(You're not a kid anymore)
(You're not a kid anymore)

When people ask of me
What would you like to be
Now that your not a kid anymore
(You're not a kid anymore)

I know just what to say
I answer right away
There's just one thing
I've been wishing for...

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

Each night I sit at home
Hoping that he will phone
But I know Bobby has someone else
(You're not a kid anymore)

Still in my heart I pray
There soon will come the day
When I will have him all to myself...

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
That's the most important thing to me...

And if I was Bobby's girl
If I was Bobby's girl
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be
What a faithful, thankful girl I'd be

I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl
I want to be Bobby's girl

Well....

Doctor called back with the CT scan results, as well as with the pathology report from the colonoscopy.

Good news, no problem they can detect with the esophagus / stomach. Why the narrowing then? Its an allergic reaction to a food that I've developed an allergy to. I've narrowed it down to dairy.

Bad news...

Well..

Bad news is my liver has fat deposits on it - so that means I have to get off my ass and get more exercise and eat better.  I would like to bitch for a second on this issue though - how exactly am I suppose to successfully loose weight if I can't eat fruits and vegetables? Whatever. I'll find a way. I'll just hang out with my pal Elliptical more.

Other bad news...

The biopsies they took are still precancerous. These cells turn into cancer.

I asked the doctor how they deal with that, if it turns into cancer? His response? Colon removal.

Okay.

We all know how I feel about that.

I told the doctor that surgery is not an option.

He said he knows that is how I feel, so their new plan is to do a colonoscopy every 6 months instead of every year.

Doesn't that sound fun?

He also said he wants to discuss the pathology report with a few other colleagues further and he'll call me back in 7-10 days. (to tell me what? I didn't ask).

I'm sort of crabby about all this. Not sad, not upset. Just....crabby.

Not going to be a bag lady. Nope.

Not sorry either.

Hot Blooded (Acoustic)

htt

Solid Food!

Great news!

I've been cleared to eat SOLID FOOD.

I only have a 30 minute lunch, so my options are limited - since there are mostly only fast food places around here.

Burger King
McDonalds
Perkins
Culvers
IHOP
India Palace
Caribou
Jimmy Johns
Subway

So far, Subway is winning.

Healthy April Update

Hi Guys,

I forgot to update you on my Crohn's saga.

Yesterday morning the doc called me to see how I was doing, any recurring bloody scenes, etc.

I told him no, all was quiet on that front.

He said to stay on the liquid diet and we don't have to do the colonoscopy. (which I was doing without sedation, since I had no driver and wasn't going to miss any more work), so I was pleased about that decision, although not so excited about the liquid diet part. When you're hungry and haven't eaten in a few days the last thing you want is broth or tea. I want a cheese burger or a plate of spaghetti.

So yesterday went fine. After work I went to my friend Kim's house for dinner. She had her tonsils out and is on a liquid diet too, so we had protein shakes together. So filling. So delicious.  . . sort of.

I am suppose to get a call from the Doc this morning to check in and (hopefully) release me from the liquid diet.

I was marveling to John how attentive and caring this doc seemed. John scoffed.

"This guy is just worried he screwed up and you'll bleed to death and die then I'll slap him with a malpractice suit for wrongful death".

Well....

I guess I hadn't thought of that.

During the procedure the doc did take 30-35 biopsies throughout the large intestine (that seems excessive to me, but I didn't go to medical school, so I'll give him a pass on that one), and he did take 2 huge polyps out...I am still waiting on the pathology report on that one.

Anyway, lets hope for good news.

Tomorrow is CAT scan day. Scanning my esophagus and stomach. Esophagus is narrowing and stomach lining is inflammed. Damn am I a fine, healthy chick or what? LOL.

Still not a bag lady, so W I N N I N G. (Charlie Sheen voice)

Miller Matykiewicz Campbell Dargiewicz Osbourne family anthem

If you're a member of my family, its a given, if not a requirement that you not only know this song well, but the lyrics backwards and forwards.