Spring 2019 update

Greetings Land of Osbourne readers! (all…2 of you? LOL)

My last post was regarding my Boston Terrier, Ozzy and his trip to the Rainbow Bridge. I haven’t posted since, because I had nothing to say, really.

I still struggle with the loss of Ozzy. I can’t look at his picture without tears welling in my eyes. I can’t think of him without terrible sorrow. Even as I type this, I find tears in my eyes…..I guess for now, that’s all I really can say. 

In other news, we are quickly approaching the date that my best friend and I are going to Orlando, Florida for a Disney Vacation. I can hardly believe I am doing it, going on a trip without my John with me.  It’s a testament to my love, trust and friendship with Kim that even allows me the strength to do this. 

We will be staying with a friend that we both went to high school with (meaning not paying for a hotel), he will be picking us up and shuttling us around (no transportation fees), and he has season passes to the Disney parks (meaning free admission), so all Kim and I will ultimately have to pay for is food. I think I can handle that. I even gave Kim permission to take as many pictures of me as she wants. (for me that is HUGE, I hate having my picture taken, I feel ugly). 

My beautiful white Camaro is out of storage, and I’ve been driving it for the last month. Can I just say how much I love it and love driving it? The fact that it has a fantastic stereo system is a nice perk as well. 

Work is….the same I guess.  The guy I trained in back in late November left the company in March, so I am back to scheduling for a guy in Chicago.  Apparently I’m doing an adequate job…

John and I had our 22^nd wedding anniversary on April 17^th. Realized that I have been with him since I was a TEENAGER. Jeeze that makes me feel old. When I mentioned that fact to his mom, she replied: “You think that makes YOU feel old?” HA!

That’s it for me for now, enjoy your spring!

My Ozzy, time to say goodbye...

Hello, 

By now you've undoubtedly surmised that I have a little Boston Terrier named Ozzy, whom I love to pieces.  John and I love him and spoil him in every way. 

About a month ago, he miscalculated while attempting to jump on the bed, and he fell off. He didn't miss a beat, he jumped right back up on the bed to give me kisses.  I didn't notice anything unusual until 2 weeks later, I saw a large swelling on his hind right leg. I assumed it was a bruise from falling off the bed.  

Naturally, me being who I am, I worried about it quite a bit, so John took him to the vet to have them look it over. They agreed that it was a bruise and that it would go away in time.  3 days after that appointment, the vet called, asking to bring Ozzy back in, so they could aspirate some of the mass to make sure it isn't a Mast Cell Tumor, which my Ozzy has had 2 of and had surgery to remove in the last 2 years, this mass is the 3rd.  The surgery was hard on him and hard on me too. 

Yesterday, I had a terrible anxiety attack about this whole thing, so John and I took a day off work, to take Ozzy to the vet to get it checked out one more time. 

My baby has cancer again. The vet we go to is unable to perform the surgery due to the size and complexity. She referred us to a local canine surgeon to see what all would be involved for that to take place. 

I can't be selfish and put Ozzy through another difficult and painful surgery, knowing it is very likely another tumor will appear soon. What is breaking my heart, is he is acting normal. He doesn't understand why his Mom and Dad are crying, and petting him and cuddling him more than a few days ago.  He gets upset when I cry, so I  was trying to cry quietly in the other room, he heard me and came charging in to lick all the tears away.  Based on the size of the tumor, and how quickly it grew in size, makes me scared....where else has it spread?  I'm terrified that we will come home from work and he will be gone. 

We didn't even know it was our last Christmas with our Bubby. 

We didn't know that his birthday next Wednesday will be our last with him. 

He is turning only 8! Katie, our previous Boston lived to be 13, so we mistakenly assumed Ozzy would likely live around the same. 

Reality of us coming home from work, with no gate at the top of the steps, no little face looking at us, happy to see us. 

No wiggly little butt, no more puppy of a thousand kisses. 

No more snorey little dog keeping me awake, no more kicky doggy feet when he is hogging the bed. 

No more hopeful eyes when he wants to go with us to get coffee, so he can go for a ride in the car. 

No more groans when we're eating because he really wants a taste. 

To quote the Tin Man, from the Wizard of Oz: "Now I know I've got a heart, because its breaking" 

Land of Osbourne UPDATE!

Friends, Romans, Countrymen...

Hi All. How was your summer and fall? Good I hope. 

John started a new job on Tuesday, and so far is quite happy, and significantly less stressed. We're still able to ride-share which was a very important aspect for both of us, not only for the obvious reason of saving money and not having to drive 2 cars, but we enjoy the time to and from work together as well.  

Things are good at my work also. Found out I'm NOT going to the National Sales Meeting in February, which is just fine with me. I'm not a huge fan of travelling solo if I can possibly avoid it. . . LOL...so I was recently requested to fly to Colorado to train in a new guy.  I get to go on 11/25 - 11/28 to Colorado. I've always wanted to see the Broomfield location, which I've heard is HUGE. I also heard the Denver airport is massive as well.  

My little Ozzy is doing fantastic, spoiled little guy that he is.  

That's about all that is new and shaking in my world. Hope all is well with you! 

Take care readers! 

Ear Worm of the day: Tommy Roe - Sweet Pea

I don't know when or if I heard it, but over the weekend this song got permanently stuck in my head, the following verse specifically:

I finally got to whisper sweet words in her ear

Convinced her that we oughta get away from there

We took a little walk I held her close to me

Underneath the stars I said to Sweet Pea

"Oh sweet pea, I love you can't you see? love you love you love you can't you seee? Oh sweet pea, won't you be my girl..." 

I posted it on my blog, forwarded it to my cousin...lets see if this will shake it loose...maybe I should hear that 1-877 kars for kids commercial? HA!

A Post for my younger sibling....reminder

Rachel

I am posting this on my blog to clear a few things up, on the off chance you stumble this way and read it.  

I know what happens when I email you.   

First and foremost, you need to know that I will never forgive you.  Nothing you say or do will ever change that. Additionally, although you're my sister biologically, not only do I not recognize you as such, and never will, I also no longer feel any sort of kind or loving emotion towards you at all.  

That will also never change. 

You know, and I know that Bernie GAVE me Susie's wedding ring. 

He didn't give it to you, he gave it to me.  

I know the EXACT date he gave it to me, the occasion and why he gave it to me. 

John was there, as was Marilyn.  

In the past, I've asked you to return it to me. You vehemently refused numerous times and finally said that if I gave you "Mike's File" back, you'd give me the ring back.  I sent the file to Mom. YEARS AGO. 

You recall the email you sent me: 

"If I pawned it why do I have it stupid selfish bitch your informants are pieces of shit just like u!" 

This email included a picture of said ring and a receipt with the date and time. 

(this actually qualifies as evidence of you owning stolen property BTW)  and I still have that email. (dated Monday August 19th 2013 3:58pm) 

Of course knowing you and your core personality, I do realize that there is a very good chance I will never see it again. 

(How sad is it that Mom has asked you numerous times to return it?  Nicely done Rachel)

I have accepted this situation in its entirety.   

John has not. Nor will he ever. He will NEVER let this go.  This is not a threat, its simply the truth. 

Evidently, you're incapable of seeing the damage you've done over this. (I wonder....was it worth it Rachel? Was it?)

This is in Gods hands now. My conscious is clear. 

Cuckoo Clock

My Uncle Bernie gave me this great old Cuckoo Clock a few years before he died, he had it when I was a little girl, and I always use to think it was magic. 

I love it, and it hangs in my living room, and I can’t help but think of him every time I glance at it.

No matter how fast or slow the pendulum is moving, that clock is determined to be fast. If John or I don’t continually adjust it, it will always be off by about an hour. 

💜

Unconditional Love

Unconditional love is, in essence, true love -- so different from the kind of love most of us have known all our lives that it deserves a  definition of its own. 

Unconditional love is caring about the happiness of another person without any thought for what we might get for ourselves.

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Finding out that this type of love you assumed you'd always have from someone isn't there anymore is painful.

How do you respond to this realization? 

Blame yourself?  

Blame the other person?

Keep trying to get the love back that never should have gone away to begin with? Which could wind up being an effort of futility and end up causing more pain?

Learn a lesson from the entire experience and move forward with the knowledge it has shown you...

On the other hand, what if they suddenly decide all is okay and suddenly they feel its time to "forgive and forget"?

Each person is going to feel and decide how to handle this based on their own experience in the situation and how it effected them.

Having been in this situation first hand, I know the pain. I know the sorrow it brings.

At one time, I would have probably "forgive and forget", but not only the pain itself, who it was from, and not only the thought behind the action, as well as lack of thought for the other person involved has given me a new perspective on this.

Can I forgive? No. Not anymore.

Can I forget? No. I will never forget the pain it caused me emotionally, and more importantly, mentally.

I have to protect myself and my heart from those whom I should never have to do so from.

Lesson learned. A very very painful lesson, one I am sad to have to have gone through at all.

The decision by the other party was selfish, childish, and no thought was given to the long term results or the feelings of others involved. 

For that reason, I will NEVER allow this to happen to me again. If pressed, "Why can't you just let it go?"

Because it should have never happened to begin with, and as its happened once from someone it NEVER should have come from, sadly it could happen again.

At this point, I can be grateful for my husband, John. I am grateful for Heather, my cousin who is the sister of my heart, and finally, my best friend Kim, who is there for me ANY time I need her. Without the support of these 3 I don't think I would have the strength to have gotten through this at all.


Onward and upward!