Truth

No one can understand the pain I feel in my heart.

It has been shattered in such a way that I don't think I will ever recover. I don't know how long it will take for me to allow any one close again. 

The only one who holds 100% of my trust and that I am completely safe if all ways is John. 

Be patient with me. I am going to need time to heal. 

Roy Clark - Sally Was A Good Ole Girl

Accept me or walk away

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it. 

You surround yourself with people who make you laugh. 

Forget the bad, and focus on the good. 

Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't. 

Life is too short to be anything but happy. 

Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living.

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout:

This is me damn it!  I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel,
love the way I love!  I am a whole complex package.  Take me. . . or leave me.

Accept me--or walk away!  

Do not try to make me feel like less of a person,just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.  

If I need to change, I alone will make that decision.

When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad--you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

Releasing the Past

Releasing the Past. Jeff Keller

Posted: 24 Oct 2014 03:00 AM PDT

Do you condemn yourself for things which you did--or failed to do--in the past?  Everyone does this at some point.  However, if you want to lead a successful and productive life, it is imperative that you release the past and not blame yourself for events which have already transpired and which cannot be changed.
Ask yourself this question:  has "beating yourself up" about the past ever helped you or made you feel better?  If the answer is "no," I hope that you will make a commitment to stop this self-defeating behavior.

The successful person takes this approach:  learn from past mistakes and make adjustments in future behavior.  The strategy of berating yourself for past conduct solves nothing and only serves to lower your self-esteem.  You create a vicious cycle where negative experiences and negative feelings are reinforced, which leads to more negative outcomes and more negative feelings.

You are not going to change one bit of your past.  It's gone.  Learn from your past experiences and move on.  You did the best you could given your awareness and understanding of your options at the time.  This does not imply that your conduct was praiseworthy; however, you will gain nothing from self- condemnation, except feelings of misery and inadequacy.

If you have done something in the past which you can do something about, then by all means take action.  If you have been unkind to someone, offer a sincere apology.  If you failed to fulfill a promise which you make, take steps immediately to fulfill that promise.
If you insist on dwelling in the past, I suggest that you focus on your past successes.  Visualizing and thinking about past successes is an excellent way to build confidence and self-esteem.  What you think about is what you become.  Therefore, when you concentrate on your successes, you help to create future successes.
When you find yourself starting to dwell on past negative experiences, immediately halt and remind yourself:  "There is nothing I can do now which will change what happened.  I learned a valuable lesson and will act in a more constructive manner next time."  You see, regardless of what you have done--or failed to do--the only sane approach is to accept it and move forward.  The successful individual does not waste precious mental energy dwelling on past events which cannot be changed.  Instead, he or she uses past mistakes as learning experiences and springboards to future successes.

9/11/01

So 13 years ago, the World Trade Centers fell due to a terrorist attack on the United States. 

Everyone always talks about where they were when the whole thing went down, etc. 

13 years ago, I was working at Steven Fabrics, in customer service. I was at my desk, working on a 4 page report of Vertical Blind back orders, calling dealers, telling them when to expect their order, etc. 

I overheard in the office (I was working in a "cube farm") that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York. 

1st thought that ran through my mind, was some dummy in a little Cessna or something did it.  I heard someone say it was a commerical airplane. Okay, I know that couldn't have been an accident, but I couldn't imagine why someone would intentionally do such a thing. 

I knew my Dad would know what was going on, so I called Dad and he told me it was a terrorist attack on the US. 

My coworkers all had by this time turned on the news to hear more and we heard about the Pentagon. To be honest, when I heard this part, I didn't believe it. I thought it was just a rumor. Then the one in Pennsylvania crashed. I was horrified.  

After I got home from work, my husband and I were glued to our TV, total disbelief in what we were seeing. Total chaos in NY. 

I know that as an American, I will never forget, and will continue to be grateful to first responders, police and firefighters everywhere. 

Hurt

You never expect someone who loves you to hurt you, especially a family member, either intentionally or unintentionally, so when it does happen, the pain resulting is significant and unexpected, which seems like it makes it more intense.

Sometimes, you can piece together why the other person acted out in the way that they did, but other times, you’re left wondering what went wrong, if it was something that you had done or not done, said or did not say.

Regardless, the pain is very real.

How do you react to this sort of pain?

 Do you confront the person?

 Wait for them to come to you?

Do you pretend like nothing happened?

Whichever action is taken it seems is the wrong action.

Sometimes, if you are very lucky, you have someone who loves you and cares about you to lean on, and they can help you through the process.

I am hurting as a direct result of lies and deception from someone who claimed to love me.

I am also hurting for some transgression I evidently have done by someone else who also claims to love me.

I am very lucky to have my husband John here to hold my hand, and wipe my tears away.

I hope to become a stronger, better person moving forward having learned the lessons I have. 

August Osbourne Update

Greetings and Salutations Land of Osbourne Readers! 

Hope everyone is having a good summer and things are going great for you. 

Thought I'd update you all on my thrilling life.  

John bought me a huge bird cage for our 17th wedding anniversary this year, for my 2 Lady Gouldians and 2 Shaft Tail finches. 4 tiny little birdies in a 5' tall x 4' wide x 2' deep is a lot of room for those little guys, so I found a bird rescue organization in Circle Pines, and adopted 2 Society finches, and 2 Zebra Finches. I named them "George and Weezy" and "Snow and Ice". I was a little worried about adding them to the cage and the birds fighting, but we're almost to week 3 and everyone is getting along great. I love their little chirps, (they sound like they're saying "beep beep beep") - they males sing a song to the females - sounds a little like a musical car alarm.  John loves them, and wants to adopt a few more. Could be dangerous for us to go there, because we both have a huge love of animals. I need to find a few more nests and then I may add a few more. 

Work is going good for me and good for John. Anywhere you work there is always going to be someone or something you don't like, such is life. 

The summer is going by very quickly it seems. Our crazy Minnesota weather didn't really give us a spring this year, it seems sort of like we jumped right from winter to summer. Now we're knocking on the door to Fall already. I've already heard several commercials  for the Minnesota State Fair.  We went last year, and although we had a nice time I wouldn't mind going again this year, but its not a do or die kind of thing. John and I have August 29th - September 2nd off work, so it COULD happen. We'll see. :) 

Crohn's is still under control, and this new thing, Gastroparisis is about as good as can be expected. 

Take care all! 

April Miller-Osbourne