Land of Osbourne

I called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy. A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis. Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner. I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’ I left Andy’s office with some written instructions , and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven.  I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America’s enemies. I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. Then, on the day before my colonoscopy, I began ...

Hi Guys, Here are some little "April Updates" for you all. First, I'd like to thank Harley Davidson for finally sending me that check back that I messed up on and that Wells Fargo did nothing on. Thanks. I am going to now be thrilled to pay Mom and Dad back as well as my cousin Heather & Mike. It makes me nuts to owe money to people I love. Second, I made my 2nd opinion help me my knee is screwed up appointment. That is for Tuesday March 12th. That is the first available appointment they had, so hopefully my knee and I can reach some sort of understanding. . . Dear Right Knee,  I'm sorry. Things haven't worked out quite as I'd hoped these last 10 months or so. I think I can say that its a little of my fault and a little of yours, yes? Sure, I probably should have kept up with the knee exercises that the physical therapist gave me, but in my defense, things have been a little busy. You though, I think we can both agree that you could have tried ...

Don’t Take Anything Personally.  Nothings others do is because of you.  What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream.  When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. - Don Miguel Ruiz,

Hello faithful Land of Osbourne Readers You may recall, back in May of 2012 I had ACL & Miniscus surgery on my right knee. I made it successfully through surgery, recovery and later, physical therapy. I have some not so fond memories of the huge cumbersome knee brace I was forced to wear. After surgery I met with the guy who did the work, to see how my knee felt, bla bla bla. He shook his head in a sort of resigned way and advised me my knees are very very loose. My flexibility is going to be an ongoing problem. (doesn't that just give you warm fuzzy feelings?) He also indicated that its very hard for him to test my knees because they're so loose. Even right after the surgery, my right knee was loose. When I first met the guy, he said that if they do a cadaver ACL replacement, the healing is faster and the pain is significantly less. (Well hell, that sounds good to me!). The only down fall was that the likely hood of having to do all this again is higher. (I mus...

Greetings & Salutations! I've got good news! (well, maybe not for YOU, but for me it is and I want to share it with you). I have been working on refinancing my house since December 2012, and FINALLY it is DONE! The process probably wouldn't have taken so long but we had to jump through a few hoops to make it happen. #1, we owe more than our house is worth. (not a unique situation, I know) #2, we did not have the funds to do an apprasial #3, we have PMI, which really threw a monkey wrench into things. Anyway, John got that awesome new job at Aaron Carlson,  and although everything was approved, we had to provide new pay stubs, bla bla bla. Our previous interest rate with Citi Mortgage was 6.375. Our new improved interest rate is 3.75, we didn't have to start over at 30 years,  and we didn't have to come up with an apprasial. We are going to save a plethora of money and lower our monthly payment. So, the stress leading up to getting this done has reall...

You're going to love this.  So this morning, we stopped at this coffee shop across the road from Aaron Carlson. John always gets a Mocha, I always get a cup of light roast, extra cream.  Okay.  So its really quiet in there, and the coffee guy had run in the other room for a minute to get something.  As we're standing there waiting, I was sort of just looking around.  A movement caught my eye near the floor.  Yep. A little grey mouse scurried from one side of their kitchen to the other.  When the guy came back I debated saying something.  I didn't.  Good thing I am not squeamish about that sort of thing.  If it were a huge bug, well...then I would have been all girly girl. (says the gal who has a tarantula and a python....) 

In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you. Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy.  If you know people who do none of these things, let them go. Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around.   The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smiling.  And even more beautiful is knowing that you are the reason behind it. Choose your relationships wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company. Being alone does not mean you are lon...

Crohn's disease is a type of inflammatory bowel disease that can be incredibly challenging. In Crohn's disease, a rogue immune system attacks the digestive tract, causing inflammation and tissue damage. Crohn's disease symptoms include abdominal cramps, diarrhea, fever, and fatigue. Like many autoimmune diseases, symptoms tend to cycle, getting worse during flare-ups and then subsiding. Here are 11 people who achieved celebrity for their deeds—not their Crohn's disease diagnosis—and how they dealt with the condition. Cynthia McFadden ABC News correspondent McFadden first experienced the excruciating pain of Crohn's disease, which her friends euphemistically dubbed "George," in her sophomore year of college. "They weren't going to say, 'Did you have 15 diarrhea attacks today?'" the journalist says in a 1994 People magazine interview. "So, instead, they'd ask me, 'How's George?'" After a bo...

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with the flow of life. Today I know that I cannot control the consequences of the choices I've made in the past.  Life doesn't happen to me , it happens because of me. Is what I choose to think, do and create in each moment. Today I know that I cannot control people . I can only control my attitude towards them and their behavior. Today I know that I cannot change people , they are on their own path. I can only act in kind, loving ways toward the people around me. Today I know that we are our experiences and that love is the only answer I was looking for my whole life and I can only find it within myself.

Friends, Romans, Countryman....  I figure I am due for a "Real Life" update as opposed to the quirky, positive, introspective things I've been posting.  When we last spoke, I'd updated you guys on my friend Sharon Gammell, who was dying. I am sad to report that she is gone from this world, and is lucky enough to have gotten to go home. I miss her every day.  John got a great job offer from his previous employer, Aaron Carlson, and jumped at the chance to work for them again. He is the supervisor of the finishing department. We ride share now, which is great. It takes me approximately 7 minutes to get from his work to mine.  Its really nice to have him with me to and from work. The commute isn't so boring when you have someone to talk with whose company you enjoy.  I am now on the warpath with Wells Fargo.  I made a mistake while using Wells Fargo Online Billpay on Friday January 18th. Instead of making the $199.36 payment, I inputted $19...

You have brains in your head.  You have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You're on your own.  And you know what you know.  And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go... You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know.  You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.  So be sure when you step.  Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act.  Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.  And never mix up your right foot with your left.