Rindercella

Story of Rindercella Once apon a time, in a coreign fountry, there lived a very geautiful birl; her name was Rindercella. Now, Rindercella lived with her mugly other and her two sad bisters. And in this same coreign fountry, there was a very prandsom hince.




And this prandsom hince was going to have a bancy fall. And he'd invited people from riles amound, especially the pich reople. Rindercella's mugly other and her two sad blisters went out to buy some drancy fesses to wear to this bancy fall, but Rindercella could not go because all she had to wear were some old rirty dags. Finally, the night of the bancy fall arrived and Rindercella couldn't go. So she just cat down and scried. She was a kitten there a scrien, when all at once there appeard before her, her gairy fodmother. And he touched her with his wagic mand ... and there appeared before her, a cig boach and hix white sorces to take her to the bancy fall. But now she said to Rindercella, "Rindercella, you must be home before nidmight, or I'll purn you into a tumpkin!"



When Rindercella arrived at the bancy fall, the prandsom hince met her at the door because he had been watchin' behind a woden hindow. And Rindercella and the prandsom hince nanced all dight until nidmight...and they lell in fove. And finally, the mid clock strucknight. And Rindercella staced down the rairs, and just as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper!



The next day, the prandsom hince went all over the coreign fountry looking for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. Finally he came to Rindercella's house. He tried it on Rendercella's mugly other ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on her two sigly usters ... and it fidn't dit. Then he tried it on Rindercella ... and it fid dit. It was exactly the sight rize!



So they were married and lived heverly ever hapwards. Now, the storal of the mory is this: If you ever go to a bancy fall and want to have a pransom hince loll in fove with you, don't forget to slop your dripper!

Mental Health Hotline

Answering Service


This is the transcript of the new answering service recently installed at the Mental Health Institute.



Hello and welcome to the Mental Health Hotline.



If you are obsessive-compulsive: Press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent: Ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities: Press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid: We know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional: Press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic: Listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic-depressive: It doesn't matter what number you press - no-one will answer.

If you are dyslexic: Press 969696969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder: Please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia: Press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's maiden name.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have short-term memory loss: Press 9. If you have short term memory loss: Press 9.

If you have low self esteem: Please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Best Rum Cake Ever

Best Rum Cake Ever




Ingredients:

1 C butter 1 tsp baking soda

1 C sugar 1 tsp salt

4 large eggs lemon juice

1 C dried fruit 1 C brown sugar

1 tsp baking powder nuts

1 or 2 quarts rum



Before you start, sample the rum to check for quality. (Pretty good, huh?) Now go ahead.



Select a large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check rum again as it must be just right. To be sure the rum is of the finest quality, pour one level cup into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat, if needed.



With an electric mixer, beat 1 C of the butter in a large fluffy bowl and add 1 teaspoon of thugar and beat again.



Meanwhile, make sure that the rum is of the finest quality. Cry anuther tup. Open second quart, if necessary.



Add 2 arge eggs. 2 cups fried druit and beat til high. If druit get stuck in beaters, just pry loose witha drewsciver



Sample rum again to check for tonscisticity



Next, sift 3 cups od salt oar anythink. it really doesn't matter. Sample the rlum.



Sift half pint of lemon juice. Fold in chopped butter and strained nuts. Add 1 babblespoon of brown thugar, or whatever color you can find, and mix mell. Grease over an turn cake pan to 350 gredees.



Now poor the whole mess into the boven and ake.



Check the rum again and bo to ged.

Prayers Answered!

I won't have to go to the food shelf!

Jeanette, my mother in law, (who rents the lower portion of our house), gave us $100.00 to help in the repair cost of my truck.

THANK YOU.

August 26

Well friends,

Many of you know John was laid off around Memorial Day, and thankfully, he is getting unemployment, which is a LIFESAVER.  He is in sort of a specialized field, which depends on the construction industry. (He is a finisher/industrial sprayer).

He has been officially called back to work around the 2-3rd week in September.

Meanwhile, I've maxed out my line of credit with Wells Fargo (except for 300 bucks as a emergency cusion); my truck needs a repair that, THANK GOD my Uncle can take care of, instead of having to go the garage; every week when payday rolls around, I am hoping for an extra few bucks so John and I can go out on a date or do something, but usually wind up with JUST enough, to tide us over until next payday.

The Minnesota State Fair is starting and I'd give anything to go, I want a pronto pup, some cheese curds, some mini doughnuts, maybe some other crap food on a stick. No funds for it this year. 

Because I have Crohn's disease, I have to try and watch my stress levels, because stress can really kick it into high gear.  I really don't want to, but I am seriously considering seeing a 2nd form of employment, primarily, because I am going to have to visit the food shelf this week, as we don't have quite enough for all th grocerys we need, espicially if my Uncle is going to fix my truck Monday of next week. Which is going to be an extra 150-200 bucks.

I know my body probably can't take on the stress a 2nd job would create, but neither can it afford the stress of mounting unpaid bills. 

I try to stay positive, to remember that there's a brand new day on the horizon, but even I get to have a bad attitude somedays. Today is my day to be negative.

thanks for listening!

We're back baby!

I decided to re-instate Land of Osbourne.

I had this as a blog a few years ago and dropped it.

I've found...oddly enough that I missed it.

So...this is my first post of a brand new blog.

Welcome back readers of Land of Osbourne!

-April