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You’re in charge of your happiness

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You’re in charge of your happiness This is your life, this is the only life that you’re ever gonna get and you’re in charge of your happiness. Don’t let anybody ever take that away from you. You go out there and you live your life and if you fall down, you need to pick yourself back up and you keep going because there’s always gonna be bad stuff, but there’s gonna be so much good stuff. So don’t ever forget that. If you change the way that you look at things, the things you look at change. Chelsea Handler If you really want to live your life to the fullest and realize your greatest potential, you must be willing to run the risk of making some people mad. People may not like what you do, people may not like how you do it, but these people are not living your life. You are! —Iyanla Vanzant

iPad

So for Valentines day, John, (to whom I affectionately refer to as: "King of the Husbands") bought me an iPad Air 2. In Gold. Previously, I had a Kindle he bought me a few Christmas' ago, so I am familiar with the "Tablet" craze. Loved my Kindle, LOVED. I almost felt guilty, like I was somehow abandoning my beloved Kindle for the new iPad. As soon as I started using the iPad, all feelings of guilty disappeared. I LOVE this thing, and because I have it on my Verizon account, I can use it anywhere and access the internet. Also, its linked with my iPhone, it displays any text messages I receive. You know what else rocks? When I work out on my elliptical, I can watch something on Hulu Plus, Netflix, or my new favorite - Youtube. I created a work out playlist specifically for my iPad when I work out. My name is April Osbourne, and I am a techy geek.

No matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it!

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Sometimes the door closes on a relationship, not because we failed, but because something bigger than us says this no longer fits our life. So, lock the door, shed your tears. When you are ready, turn around and look for the new door that’s opened. It’s a sign that you’re no longer that person you were, it’s time to change into who you are. It’s going to be okay.” — Lee Goff    All of the times you felt this anxious and this overwhelmed. All of the times you felt this level of pain. And remind yourself how each time, you made it through. Life has thrown so much at you, and despite how difficult things have been, you’ve survived. Breathe and trust that you can survive this too. Trust that this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem, you will make it.” ~Daniell Koepke

On a lighter note...

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You Didn't

You didn't congratulate me on my promotion to office manager. You didn't wish me a happy 40th birthday. You didn't wish me a happy 41st birthday. You were not around when I found out I have Gastroparisis. You watched me struggle with severe clinical depression when you had the remedy that would have stopped it all, but you didn't.  When I was in a minor fender bender, you didn't call or email to make sure I was okay. The communication stopped for something I did not do. None of these things sound like how you would treat someone you LOVE. Now its too late.  The damage has been done. There is no going back, and nothing will ever fix it. 

Sometimes

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For You

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I no longer have patience for certain things...

I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where  I do not want to waste more time with what displeases me or hurts me.   I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature.  I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me and to smile at those who do not want to smile at me.  I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate.  I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise.  I do not tolerate selective erudition nor academic arrogance. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping.   I hate conflict and comparisons.  I believe in a world of opposites and that’s why I avoid people with rigid and inflexible personalities.   In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal. I do not get along with those who do not know how to give a compliment or a word

Karma, Baby

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Truth

No one can understand the pain I feel in my heart. It has been shattered in such a way that I don't think I will ever recover. I don't know how long it will take for me to allow any one close again.  The only one who holds 100% of my trust and that I am completely safe if all ways is John.  Be patient with me. I am going to need time to heal. 

Accept me or walk away

There comes a time in your life, when you walk away from all the drama and people who create it.  You surround yourself with people who make you laugh.  Forget the bad, and focus on the good.  Love the people who treat you right, pray for the ones who don't.  Life is too short to be anything but happy.  Falling down is a part of life, getting back up is living. There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it!  I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love!  I am a whole complex package.  Take me. . . or leave me. Accept me--or walk away!   Do not try to make me feel like less of a person,just because I don't fit your idea of who I should be and don't try to change me to fit your mold.   If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%, good and bad--you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you.

Releasing the Past

Releasing the Past. Jeff Keller Posted: 24 Oct 2014 03:00 AM PDT Do you condemn yourself for things which you did--or failed to do--in the past?  Everyone does this at some point.  However, if you want to lead a successful and productive life, it is imperative that you release the past and not blame yourself for events which have already transpired and which cannot be changed. Ask yourself this question:  has "beating yourself up" about the past ever helped you or made you feel better?  If the answer is "no," I hope that you will make a commitment to stop this self-defeating behavior. The successful person takes this approach:  learn from past mistakes and make adjustments in future behavior.  The strategy of berating yourself for past conduct solves nothing and only serves to lower your self-esteem.  You create a vicious cycle where negative experiences and negative feelings are reinforced, which leads to more negative outcomes and more negative feelings.

9/11/01

So 13 years ago, the World Trade Centers fell due to a terrorist attack on the United States.  Everyone always talks about where they were when the whole thing went down, etc.  13 years ago, I was working at Steven Fabrics, in customer service. I was at my desk, working on a 4 page report of Vertical Blind back orders, calling dealers, telling them when to expect their order, etc.  I overheard in the office (I was working in a "cube farm") that a plane had hit the World Trade Center in New York.  1st thought that ran through my mind, was some dummy in a little Cessna or something did it.  I heard someone say it was a commerical airplane. Okay, I know that couldn't have been an accident, but I couldn't imagine why someone would intentionally do such a thing.  I knew my Dad would know what was going on, so I called Dad and he told me it was a terrorist attack on the US.  My coworkers all had by this time turned on the news to hear more and we he

Hurt

You never expect someone who loves you to hurt you, especially a family member, either intentionally or unintentionally, so when it does happen, the pain resulting is significant and unexpected, which seems like it makes it more intense. Sometimes, you can piece together why the other person acted out in the way that they did, but other times, you’re left wondering what went wrong, if it was something that you had done or not done, said or did not say. Regardless, the pain is very real. How do you react to this sort of pain?  Do you confront the person?  Wait for them to come to you? Do you pretend like nothing happened? Whichever action is taken it seems is the wrong action. Sometimes, if you are very lucky, you have someone who loves you and cares about you to lean on, and they can help you through the process. I am hurting as a direct result of lies and deception from someone who claimed to love me. I am also hurting for some transgression I

August Osbourne Update

Greetings and Salutations Land of Osbourne Readers!  Hope everyone is having a good summer and things are going great for you.  Thought I'd update you all on my thrilling life.   John bought me a huge bird cage for our 17th wedding anniversary this year, for my 2 Lady  Gouldians  and 2 Shaft Tail finches. 4 tiny little birdies in a 5' tall x 4' wide x 2' deep is a lot of room for those little guys, so I found a bird rescue organization in Circle Pines, and adopted 2 Society finches, and 2 Zebra Finches. I named them "George and  Weezy " and "Snow and Ice". I was a little worried about adding them to the cage and the birds fighting, but we're almost to week 3 and everyone is getting along great. I love their little chirps, (they sound like they're saying "beep beep beep") - they males sing a song to the females - sounds a little like a musical car alarm.  John loves them, and wants to adopt a few more. Could be dangerous

Gym Membership Dear Diary

Dear Diary,  For my birthday this year, my daughter (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me.  Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.  I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear.  My daughter seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started! The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.  ______________________________ __  MONDAY :  Started my day at  6:00 a.m.  Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me. She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!  Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful

love

"You love someone, you open yourself up to suffering; that’s the sad truth. Maybe they’ll break your heart; maybe you’ll break their heart and never be able to look at yourself in the same way. Those are the risks. You see two people and think they belong together, but nothing happens. The thought of losing so much control over personal happiness is unbearable. That’s the burden. Like wings, they have weight, we feel that weight on out backs, but they are a burden that lifts us. Burdens that allow us to fly." 

Music

Music is an interesting thing. It changes how you feel, reminds you of good things and bad.  For some, they can take music or leave it.  For others, they can't imagine a day without music in it, and that would be me.  I love most all types of music. The only type I really don't enjoy would be "death metal" or things in  that sort of category. All other music, I enjoy.  On certain television shows, tv commericals or movies, music plays an huge part.  Here is a list of songs I won't be able to listen to without thinking of something else:  (in no particular order, other than what pops into my mind first)  Carry on Wayward Son - Kansas - Truthfully, I never heard the song before watching the TV show Supernatural. Now, not only do I associate that song with Supernatural, I have gone as far as downloading it.  Girls Just Wanna Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper - This was featured prominently on an episode of my favorite show Bones. If you're

Happy

Greetings and Salutations!  Not sure if you guys are aware, but I suffer from chronic depressive disorder, which means that I will be on medication to help keep me smiling and sane, likely for the rest of my life.  It has taken some time, (3 years to be specific) to figure out my magic combination of drug therapy, and I think I've FINALLY got it figured out. (well, not ME on my own, but with the help of my doc) Despite my recent diagnosis of Gastroparisis, and the side effects and what that all means, the Crohn's Disease and we can't forget my bad knee too (which I realize needs surgery again, but until I can't walk at all, I'm not doing it).  Anyway - the reason for my post is, recently I came to the realization that I am HAPPY.  Sure, there are some things in my life I wish were different, just like anyone else, but I am smiling more and am happy.  In closing, I'd like to say this:  Some of the best prayers that I've prayed to

April Update

So, I am sure that if you have read anything on my blog, you are aware I have severe Crohn's Disease (Crohn's Colitis to be specific), and that I have had it for years. (2001 I was diagnosed). I think I've dealt with it fairly well, all things considered. I am happy to say I've been in a fairly strong remission for several years now, and hope to continue to stay there. I've been on IV infusions every 6 weeks of Remicade.  Anyway...since around November of last year I've been having issues with nausea. I didn't mention it to my "team" of doctors, because I figured it would go away. Well, it didn't.  In late March, I finally let the doctors know about this nausea thing. They did an upper GI (they stick a tube with a camera on it down my throat), that came back okay, then they did this stomach emptying thing, where they feed me, x-ray my stomach, wait an hour, x-ray, wait another hour, x-ray, etc.  Found out I have "Gastroparisis&quo

"My Life"

  Got a call from an old friend We used to be real close Said he couldn't go on the American way Closed the shop, sold the house Bought a ticket to the West Coast Now he gives them a stand-up routine in L.A. I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home I don't care what you say anymore, this is my life Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone I never said you had to offer me a second chance I never said I was a victim of circumstance I still belong, don't get me wrong And you can speak your mind But not on my time They will tell you you can't sleep alone In a strange place Then they'll tell you you can't sleep With somebody else Ah, but sooner or later you sleep In your own space Either way it's okay You wake up with yourself I don't need you to worry for me cause I'm alright I don't want you to tell me it's time to come home I don't care what you say anym

Boston Terrier

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American Made Cars vs Foreign

So recently I was rear-ended, requiring me to relinquish my car to an auto body, and forcing me to drive a vehicle other than my own. If this event had happened in the summer or fall, it wouldn't have been a problem, all I would have had to do is drive the 1993 Camaro Z28. However since the Camaro has very large racing tires, it didn't seem like a good idea to pull it out of storage to drive in this awful Minnesota winter. I was authorized the use of a brand new Volkswagen Jetta. Under normal circumstances, I'd probably never have the chance to drive this type of car, because from the time I was a kid, it was impressed upon me the importance of buying an American made car, seeing as numerous family members, my Dad included, all held a job for Ford.  Naturally most of the family drove Fords, not only because they're good, reliable cars, but because employees get a pretty nice discount on new cars. Plus, since they work for Ford, most of them worked on cars too, so

You're Always There In My Heart

Spring is shining and its blowing, but you're always in my heart. life's wonderful, everything beautiful, 'cause you're always my other part. summer coming, sun keeps shining, 'cause You're always in my heart! Seasons come, seasons go But you're always there in my heart. Raindrops fall, breezes blow But you're always there in my heart. Photos fade, years have gone But you're always there in my heart. Time goes by, life goes on But you're always there in my heart. You're a part of me, as I am of you I can't leave you behind. You're a part of me, and whatever I do You're always on my mind. Through the years, joy and tears You're always there in my heart. Always near, ever dear You're always there in my heart. Always there in my heart!

Rear Ended - AGAIN

On April 18th 1995, I was involved in a car accident. My Camaro was rear-ended and it was totaled. I was in physical therapy for 1 year after. Monday February 24th at exactly 4:40 pm, I was on the way to go pick up John from work. I was at the interesection of 18th Ave NE and Fillmore. I stopped at the 4 way stop (it is a residential type neighborhood), and had just started across the intersection, when B A M! I was hit from behind. I didn't see him coming at all. The other driver drove a foreign made pick up truck and had slid right through the intersection and slammed into me. He did try to swerve, so most of the damage is on the rear passenger side of my car. My bumper is broken on both sides, and cracked in the middle. It looks like its going to fall off. When the guy came to talk to me, he didn't want to give me his name, phone number or insurance info. He said all I needed was the licence plate number. Really? So....what I just look up the information on the int

26 Things Minnesotans Do That Seem Odd To Everyone Else

Some things Minnesotans do are actually mind-blowing-ly odd to people from other places. 1. We use snowballs to play fetch with our dogs. Sometimes they don’t know what to do with them. 2. At random during the winter, Minnesotans take a break from their day to just start their cars. Not to go anywhere, just to hear the glorious sound of an engine starting (and to make sure the engine will start at -40 degrees). We also leave our cars running sometimes when we go shopping. We rely on Minnesota nice maybe a bit too much. 3. We get so much snow on the top of our cars that those scrapers just don’t work. So we use push brooms. 4. What’s that you say? The temperature is over 32 degrees? Shorts and t-shirt weather. 5. In April, yes April, we sled down 2 story tall snow hills created by plowing snow off of parking ramps. 6. We eat hot dish. The rest of you call it casserole, but you’re wrong. 7. We consider sledding a date night activity. Nothing says romance quite like bundlin

Show Your Joe

Borderline Personality Disorder

This explains SO much! http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Borderline_personality_disorder

Being right - Rachel, this one is for you

Misunderstanding and disagreement in any relationship can actually be an opportunity to learn about ourselves.  However, most of the time we simply focus on how the other person is  wrong .  It is easier to point the finger than to look to ourselves and face the unpleasant truth that we may share some or all of the responsibility.  We think, "If he (or she) were only more considerate, had more time for me, or did the dishes more,  then  I'd be happy." Instead of looking at our own behavior, we believe that the other person is the problem.  We believe we are justified, reasonable and more than fair.   They  need to change. When I believe I am right, I spend an exorbitant amount of time re-hashing the situation in my mind.  I obsessively review the other person's responses and actions to find the evidence I need to be right.  In this internal dialogue, nothing changes.  I try to rebuild my case, yet I get nowhere.  If I continue down this path, when the time comes to di

Ozzy the Boston Terrier being silly

Boston Terrier

I've been promoted!!!

Hi Guys!  So on Friday of last week, I get a call from my boss in California. He asked if I would be interested in taking over as office manager for our office in Roseville, Minnesota.  I was really surprised to say the least. (me? an office MANAGER?)  I accepted. Over the last year I've been slowly been taking over more and more tasks from the current office manager, and now I get the whole kip & kaboodle.  She isn't fired or leaving or anything, but this frees her up to take care of her growing list of other duties involving sales representatives.   I haven't gone to college. No technical schooling, yet here I am making good pay as an office manager in a job I actually enjoy and like.  Had to share - thanks for reading.  April

Positive Thoughts

May every day of your life bring you fresh hopes for  tomorrow - because hope gives all of us our reason for trying. May each new day bring a feeling of excitement , joy, and wonderful sense of expectation . Expect the best, and you'll get it. May you find peace in simple things , because those are the ones that will always be there. May you remember the good times and forget the sorrow and pain , for the good times will remind you of how special your life has been. May you always feel secure and loved and know you are the best. May you experience all the good things in life - the happiness of realizing your dreams , the joy of feeling worthwhile , and the satisfaction of knowing you've succeeded.  May you find warmth in others , expressions of love and kindness , smiles that encourage you , and friends who are loyal and honest . May you realize the importance of patience and accept others for what they are. With understanding and love , you'll find the good

"Follow Up"

Greetings! I have my follow up appointment today with the digestive specialists to go over the results of my colonoscopy. Good news - no disease activity, no present inflammation, and the biopsies they took are all non cancerous. She did point out that I am at high risk for cancer so they are going to continue to closely monitor me. YAY!

To "let go"

To "let go" does not mean to stop caring, it means I can’t do it for someone else. To "let go" is not to cut myself off, it’s the realization I can’t control another. To "let go" is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences. To "let go" is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands. To "let go" is not to try to change or blame another, it is to make the most of myself. To "let go" is not to care for, but to care about. To "let go" is not to fix, but to be supportive. To "let go" is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being. To "let go" is not to be in the middle arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to affect their own destinies. To "let go" is not to be protective, it is to permit another to face reality. To "let go" is not to deny, but to accept. To "let go"