This is for Ozzy -

Take your memory with you when you go

So I wont have to think about

The lonely nights I'll be without

Someone to hold me when the cold wind blows

Take your memory with you when you go 

Walk the floor and wonder what went wrong

Try to find a way to carry on

But don't you leave before the heartache starts to show

Take your memory with you when you go 

So I wont have to think about

The lonely nights I'll be without

Someone to hold me when the cold wind blows

Take your memory with you

So I won't have to miss you

Take your memory with you when you go 

John Sabbath Osbourne = King of the Husbands

So, John and I rideshare to work, since I work in Roseville, MN and he works just outside of downtown Saint Paul.  

We were about 20 minutes into our drive, (I was half asleep), and he suddenly exclaims "SHIT!" 

I was instantly more awake, thinking there was some crisis, and I'm like "What??"

He says: "I forgot my cell phone at home"

I was a little surprised at his irritation, as its not like uses it for his job, and before I could respond, he said in a defeated tone, and sighed: "Now I can't text you and tell you I love you today" 

I melted on the spot. 

King of the Husbands folks. 

I'll Take Love

Some people think that pot of gold

Is all they ever want to hold

But there's a treasure, I think more of

Measure for measure .. I'll take love

Some people think that their success

Is all they need for happiness

But there's a pleasure, I think more of

Measure for measure .. I'll take love

Pound for pound oh yeah and

Ounce for ounce love is all that really counts

So let them have their wealth and fame

Eat caviar and drink champagne

You're all the treasure I'm dreaming of

Measure for measure .. I'll take love

my step-son Johnathan

When my step-son Johnathan was a little boy, I'd often take him and my niece Kathryn to my parents home for the weekend. 

While in Brainerd, MN where my parents have a lakeshore home, we'd quite often make our way to the local coffee shop called "The Cocoa Moon".  Usually, when you bring a kid to a coffee shop, they typically order something along the lines of hot chocolate.  

Johnathan was looking at the menu and decided he wanted a Cappuchino. My Mom and I exchanged looks, and I asked Johnathan if he was sure that is what he wanted, he assured us that is what he wanted, he has had it before. Mom and I again exchanged doubtful looks, but ordered what he wanted.  

Ok, so we're all sitting down, drinking our coffee.  Johnathan takes a sip of his, and declares: "I need to get some more sugar for mine"....okay -  he gets up and gets a few packets of sugar and pours it into his drink and mixes it up.  Few minutes later, he gets up and says he needs a little more.   This happened about 5 times.  I figured there was at least 2 inches of sugar at the bottom of the cup by the time he was done.

As we were leaving, he tossed his coffee and stated that they must make coffee different there.  

I don't know why I thought it was a good idea to give a 10 year old kid espresso and lots of sugar, but I guess hindsite is 20/20

Piano

When I was a little girl, my parents paid for me to have piano lessons. From early elementary school to around the time I met John, I took lessons. 

Certain songs I really enjoyed playing, and memorized.  Anytime I hear those songs, my fingers still remember (mostly) just what to do. Surprisingly, it even causes me to long to play a piano, although I do not own one. 

I've tried playing eletronic keyboards in the past, and I feel sort of dumb for saying this, but the keys feel different. I mean, sure, the skillset is still there but its somehow not as enjoyable...or something than playing on a normal piano.  

I remember the type of Piano it was, it was a Whitney Kimball.  If the day ever comes where I have the time and inclination, I'd like to pick up playing again.  

I was pleasantly surprised how man free piano's are available on craigslist!

The songs I memorized that I really liked to play are: 

​Can-Can

Music Box Dancer

You're A Grand Old Flag 

You Are My Sunshine 

I also ​picked up the simple sheet music for "My Heart Will Go On" and taught myself that one on my own before finally giving up on playing.  

the irritation of having an incurable disease

​So, the other day, John asked me what would happen if I stopped taking the medication I take (the list is irritatingly significant). I gave it some thought and answered him, but it got me thinking...about how close I could come to kicking the bucket without them, and its quite startling. ​

So here we go: 

Immuran - Crohn's Disease immune system suppressant

Humira - Crohn's Disease shutter offer (for lack of a better description)

Metropolol - blood pressure

Omeprozole - acid reflux

now here is the fun ones:

Seroquil - depression/anxiety/panic

Zoloft - depression/anxiety/panic

Wellbutrin - depression/anxiety/panic

Xanax - self explanatory 

So, the first drug that is going to wear off (and I know this because I've missed a day taking it) will be Omeprozole. Acid reflux will come roaring back - really painful. I'd have to eat a constant stream of antacids for minimal comfort

Second drug that is going to wear off is the blood pressure one, Metropolol

Next will be the anti-depressants, and that is where EVERYTHING will make me sad, to the point I am crying over anything and everything. Then I'll begin to have extreme anxiety and panic, functioning will become difficult.  At one point, a doctor I was seeing tried to change the anti-depressants I was taking, so I KNOW this is what is going to happen, because I've done it already.

Finally, the Crohn's drugs.  Not hard to imagine at this point, as now is not a good time for me with Crohn's.  No appetite, non-stop diarrhea (think 10+ times a day), which will eventually lead to nutritional deficiencies, and dehydration, progressively getting worse. 

Then at some point down the road from this, my body won't be able to handle all this anymore and shut down.  

Doesn't that sound horrible? The Humira costs 14,000 per injection, which I take twice a month. No idea what the other drugs cost, pretty sure they're pricey though - to the point I'd not be able to afford them for long with no insurance. 

Its worth mentioning - nothing will ever change how I feel on this next statement, ever. 

I will NEVER EVER consent to have my large intestine removed and being fitted with a colostomy bag. NEVER. 

Would I rather die than having a shit bag attached to my abdomen? 

YES

I've had to give this idea thought since I was diagnosed in 2001, so this isn't a new determination, I've had years to think about this. 

The answer is no and it always will be. 

What a Blotch

The other day, my BFF Kim and I were listening to "The Dave Ryan in the Morning Show", specifically "War of the Roses" 

When we listen to this, she is usually getting ready for work at home and I am at work listening to it.  We frequently text each other commentary on what we're hearing.  

Here is a snippet of a texted conversation:

Kim: How are you?

Me: Currently being bitched at by a customer

Kim:  Why are people so blotchy?

Kim: Bitchy

Me: LOL - I hate blotchy people

Me: I was super nice and professional. Blotch

Me: LMAO - new insult by Kim - such a blotch

Kim: My new word I guess, LMAO

Look out blotches of the world!