This & That....

Hi Guys,

Here are some little "April Updates" for you all.

First, I'd like to thank Harley Davidson for finally sending me that check back that I messed up on and that Wells Fargo did nothing on. Thanks. I am going to now be thrilled to pay Mom and Dad back as well as my cousin Heather & Mike. It makes me nuts to owe money to people I love.

Second, I made my 2nd opinion help me my knee is screwed up appointment. That is for Tuesday March 12th. That is the first available appointment they had, so hopefully my knee and I can reach some sort of understanding. . .

Dear Right Knee, 

I'm sorry. Things haven't worked out quite as I'd hoped these last 10 months or so. I think I can say that its a little of my fault and a little of yours, yes? Sure, I probably should have kept up with the knee exercises that the physical therapist gave me, but in my defense, things have been a little busy. You though, I think we can both agree that you could have tried to hold up your end of the bargain too. Now, little knee, I am sad to say we are going to have to go see another knee cutter opener. Hey, maybe I am wrong here, you know? Maybe some exercises will do it, but....lets not kid ourselves, okay? I am fairly certain there is a problem in there. I am going to try and take it easy on you, and see how nice I am? I got you a nice new brace. Also, your sister Left Knee has been pulling a lot of overtime and extra weight, so lets just give her a quick shout out of thanks too - way to be a team player Left Knee. Good job. 

Thanks Knees - me

I had a Remicade infusion yesterday afternoon. Boring, but uneventful.

Tomorrow (cue violins), I get to have a colonoscopy with chronograph, AND the cherry on top is an endoscope! Yay! So you know what that means right? Yes, as of midnight last night no food, and TONIGHT is PREP night! We all know how FUN that is! I'll post a funny story on prep for your enjoyment later on. So I have the day off tomorrow. After the drugs wear off, and I have something to eat, I have a TON of housework to do. (yes, I promise to be careful with my knee).

Thanks for reading. :)
April

Don't take it personally...

Don’t Take Anything Personally. 

Nothings others do is because of you. 

What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. 

When you are immune to the opinions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering. - Don Miguel Ruiz,

If We Never Meet Again

Calla, the little flower

Once upon a time, there was a tiny little flower named Calla. 

That little flower looked over and hey, there is another little flower I can talk to and be friends with. 

As the 2 flowers grew, a lot of weeds and rocks got in the way. The little flowers were patient though, and grew past the obstacles. 

Calla was strong despite life's droughts and floods. Many times, it looked as though Callas stem was going to break, but Calla kept her head high and bloomed anyway.

Sometimes, her little friend was there, cheering her on, but as life moved on, Calla became less important to her old friend. The more droughts, weeds, and lack of fertilizer her friend had, the less important Calla became. 

Calla remained patient for a long time. Eventually Calla lost patience and leaned towards other flowery friends she knew she was important to, in both good times and bad. 

Calla liked having friends who didn't forget her regardless of life's challenges. Weeds, drought, no fertilizer, floods, nothing kept her other flowery friends away.

As Calla leaned towards other friends and experienced life with them, her old friend would notice and try to be the flower it once was. 

But it was too late. Calla learned that this flower couldn't change its nature, that flower was of a totally different species than Calla was. 

It was what it was.

And that is okay. 

Calla mourned the loss of her old flowery friend she'd known for so long, Calla could see that her friend wasn't the flower it use to be, but had turned into a different kind of flower altogether. 

But Calla was a strong flower. She had a very strong stem, and a very strong root system. Calla came from a long line of very strong flowers. She knew what she needed and knew who she was important to. 

Calla would often gaze off into the distance, and see her old friend, whose stem wasn't as strong, whose colors not as bright, whose root system was not as deep, and sometimes even saw a glimmer of that that flower could become or use to be. 

Calla went on, living a long flowery life, being all the flower she could be, and wished only the best for her old flowery friend, even if she couldn't be a part of that flowers world. 

News of the Knee

Hello faithful Land of Osbourne Readers

You may recall, back in May of 2012 I had ACL & Miniscus surgery on my right knee.

I made it successfully through surgery, recovery and later, physical therapy. I have some not so fond memories of the huge cumbersome knee brace I was forced to wear.

After surgery I met with the guy who did the work, to see how my knee felt, bla bla bla.

He shook his head in a sort of resigned way and advised me my knees are very very loose. My flexibility is going to be an ongoing problem. (doesn't that just give you warm fuzzy feelings?)

He also indicated that its very hard for him to test my knees because they're so loose. Even right after the surgery, my right knee was loose.

When I first met the guy, he said that if they do a cadaver ACL replacement, the healing is faster and the pain is significantly less. (Well hell, that sounds good to me!). The only down fall was that the likely hood of having to do all this again is higher. (I must not have been thinking clearly at this point, I was probably still hearing the heal faster, less pain part).

Which brings me to the reason for my "news of the knee".

I am 70% certain there is a problem in there again. On 3 seperate occasions, my right knee has done that same thing that happened before surgery, I can feel my kneecap slide to the left, and then it starts to not want to hold me up anymore. Thankfully, the 3 times it happened, I wasn't doing anything stupid like....jumping jacks. ;)

I am due to go back to the doc who did the surgery to be fitted for a permanent brace (which I haven't done yet for a myriad of reasons). I realize if I go back there now to be fitted for the brace, I am going to have to be honest when he asks me how I am doing. Then we start the whole mess over again. MRI, follow up appointment telling me (pardon the language here): "Yep, you're fucked. When do you want to come back for the next surgery?"

My friend Kim has has 4 ACL surgeries (which makes me feel a bit like a whiner here), and I am impressed with the last doctor she went to. (for reasons I won't outline here, this post is getting long already).  From what Kim has said, this Doc (which is a chick I might add), is sort of the 'end of the line' ACL doc. People go to her when nothing else has worked.

I don't want to get to my 4th ACL surgery before I decide to see her, so I am fairly certain I am going to make an appointment.

I am FURIOUS about this. I haven't even made it a year on this knee. I DO NOT want to go through all this crap again. I do NOT want to blow away another spring, summer and fall screwing around with recuperation, physical therapy bla bla bla.

John and I went out and got another new knee brace to wear. Yippy.

I talked to Mom and Dad about it. Mom said in a very matter of fact tone: "Well, you're just going to have to get it fixed again. You can't be walking around on a bad knee. You could fall down a flight of steps and break your neck".  Wow. Good point Mom.

I told Mom that I don't think I want to go back to the doctor who did it last time, and I told her about Kim's doc. I've begun referring to the 1st doc I went to as Jed Clampett, and Kim's doc as Dr. House.  :)

My eyes are still not making moisture, which feels just great in the dry winter.

Crohn's is still causing problems, (of course!), I have the test on Friday to check those precancerous cells and also the esophagus, stomach, duodenum check also.

At the rate I am going, any other health problems come up, I'll have to be taken out back and shot.

(insert string of obscenities here)

3000 Miles To Graceland - Such A Night (Elvis Presley)

For my sister Rachel

Riviera

Finally!

Greetings & Salutations!

I've got good news! (well, maybe not for YOU, but for me it is and I want to share it with you).

I have been working on refinancing my house since December 2012, and FINALLY it is DONE!

The process probably wouldn't have taken so long but we had to jump through a few hoops to make it happen.

#1, we owe more than our house is worth. (not a unique situation, I know)
#2, we did not have the funds to do an apprasial
#3, we have PMI, which really threw a monkey wrench into things.

Anyway, John got that awesome new job at Aaron Carlson,  and although everything was approved, we had to provide new pay stubs, bla bla bla.

Our previous interest rate with Citi Mortgage was 6.375. Our new improved interest rate is 3.75, we didn't have to start over at 30 years,  and we didn't have to come up with an apprasial. We are going to save a plethora of money and lower our monthly payment.

So, the stress leading up to getting this done has really been wrecking havoc on my Crohn's disease (not that my body needs and excuse to have issues mind you).

Strangely, I no longer am having trouble with insomnia. Not only am I able to fall alseep on my own, I am staying asleep all night. Yay me!

I had to follow up with the Gastroenterologist specialist people last week, as they increased the Remicade (remember? we talked about that a while back). Anyway, NOW they want to check things out again, as the last time they did the testing they found precancerous cells. Okay fine.  I've done this silly test a zillion times, no sweat. HOWEVER, since I've been having more acid reflux, they are concerned and want to check out that end now too. I've never and an endoscope before (they stick a tube down my throat, to my stomach & duodenum) to make sure the Crohn's hasn't decided to move on to new exciting locations. THAT procedure I am nervous about. I can't wrap my mind around the idea of me being awake and having that shoved down my throat without me either A. Barfing everywhere or B. Struggling wildly to get it out.

Yeah I know, I will be lightly sedated. Still.

This adventure takes place Friday March 1st. Yippy.

This whole Crohn's disease thing really pisses me off.

By and By - Elvis Presley

Run On - Elvis Presley

Elvis Presley Gospel

Hi Guys,

So as I am sure you've all surmised by now, I am a Elvis Presley fan. I have been for as long as I can remember. I was brainwashed as a kid. I come from a long line of Elvis Presley fans, so there was really no escaping it.

A day without Elvis Presley is a day without sunshine.

Occasionally, Sirius XM Satellite radio has promotional periods where they allow their station to be accessible to anyone who has the equipment to get it. My Ford Focus has it, so I from time to time hit the button to see if its one of those free times.

I always listen to channel 19, which is Elvis.

I've found that by listening to that station, not only do I get to hear my favorites, I also get to hear forgotten gems, unreleased songs, alternate takes, or songs I've never heard.  I also get to hear little know facts, as well as interviews with Elvis peeps.

One of the many Elvis Presley albums I have is "How Great Thou Art", and I am loving it.

My favorite gospel song is How Great Thou Art. Its a family favorite, it was my maternal Grandma's favorite song, and she specifically requested at her funeral, that this song be sang, and no cheating, all 4 verses. I was 17 when she died, and for every family member who has died since then, this song is a staple. If you die in our family, its a given that this song be played. As a result, while I do adore it, as its my favorite, it also makes me cry. So that one, I am not going to post.

I am going to however post the 2 songs I am really stuck on right now from youtube for your enjoyment.

Take care,
April

for my husband John on Valentines day - I love you

Mousies!

You're going to love this. 

So this morning, we stopped at this coffee shop across the road from Aaron Carlson. John always gets a Mocha, I always get a cup of light roast, extra cream. 

Okay. 

So its really quiet in there, and the coffee guy had run in the other room for a minute to get something. 

As we're standing there waiting, I was sort of just looking around. 

A movement caught my eye near the floor. 

Yep.

A little grey mouse scurried from one side of their kitchen to the other. 

When the guy came back I debated saying something. 

I didn't. 

Good thing I am not squeamish about that sort of thing. 

If it were a huge bug, well...then I would have been all girly girl. (says the gal who has a tarantula and a python....) 

Just Call Me Lonesome

Why must I love a heartless woman
Who never knows the harm she's done
Though love is blind I should have known
Just call me lonesome from now on

I climb the stairs up to my room
But no-one greets me in my gloom
The silence tells me she is gone
Just call me lonesome from now on

These walls will hide me when I cry
I hope that heaven lets me die 
What good is life when hope has gone
Just call me lonesome from now on

Just call me lonesome from now on

Choose your Relationships Wisely

• In life you’ll realize there is a purpose for everyone you meet.  Some will test you, some will use you, and some will teach you.  But most importantly, some will bring out the best in you.
• Keep people in your life who truly love you, motivate you, encourage you, enhance you, and make you happy.  If you know people who do none of these things, let them go.
• Love is not about sex, going on fancy dates, or showing off.  It’s about being with a person who makes you happy in a way nobody else can.
• Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring – all of which have the potential to turn a life around.  
• The most beautiful thing is to see a person you love smiling.  And even more beautiful is knowing that you are the reason behind it.
• Choose your relationships wisely.  It’s better to be alone than to be in bad company.
• Being alone does not mean you are lonely, and being lonely does not meanyou are alone.
• Fall in love when you’re ready, not when you’re lonely.
• Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to.
• You know you’ve found true love when you catch yourself falling in love with the same person over and over again.
• Don’t wait for the right person to come into your life.  Rather, be the right person to come to someone’s life.
• The one who is meant for you encourages you to be your best, but still loves and accepts you at your worst.
• Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.
• Some relationships are like glass.  It’s better to leave it broken, than to hurt yourself more by trying to put it back together.
• Just because one person doesn’t seem to care for you, doesn’t mean you should forget about everyone else who does.
• Someone else doesn’t have to be wrong for you to be right.
• It is okay to be angry.  It is never okay to be cruel.
• Never do something permanently foolish just because you are temporarily upset.
• Silence is often the loudest cry.  Pay attention to those you care about.
• We don’t always need advice.  Sometimes all we need is a hand to hold, an ear to listen, and a heart to understand.

Famous people with Crohns

Crohn's disease is a type of inflammatory bowel disease that can be incredibly challenging. In Crohn's disease, a rogue immune system attacks the digestive tract, causing inflammation and tissue damage.

Crohn's disease symptoms include abdominal cramps, diarrhea, fever, and fatigue. Like many autoimmune diseases, symptoms tend to cycle, getting worse during flare-ups and then subsiding.

Here are 11 people who achieved celebrity for their deeds—not their Crohn's disease diagnosis—and how they dealt with the condition.

Cynthia McFadden
ABC News correspondent McFadden first experienced the excruciating pain of Crohn's disease, which her friends euphemistically dubbed "George," in her sophomore year of college.

"They weren't going to say, 'Did you have 15 diarrhea attacks today?'" the journalist says in a 1994 People magazine interview. "So, instead, they'd ask me, 'How's George?'"

After a bout of internal bleeding in 1979, she had 15 feet of intestine removed. McFadden, who now works to raise awareness about the disease with the Crohn's & Colitis Foundation of America (CCFA), has been mostly in remission ever since.

Frank Fritz
Fritz, one of the stars of the History Channel's reality series American Pickers, is an antiques treasure hunter who has battled Crohn's for more than a quarter century.

"Crohn's is like a duck," he told Crohn's Advocate magazine. "Ducks look calm, floating quietly on the surface of the water, but underneath they are paddling like crazy. It's the same for people with Crohn's—on the outside you can't really tell, but I'm working really hard to stay in control as much as I can."

Mike McCready
Rocker McCready, the lead guitarist for Pearl Jam, considers himself a lucky man, despite having Crohn's disease. In 2007, he told BigButtRadio.com that he is blessed to make a living doing what he truly loves.

"I went public with my condition to show people that despite the disease, you can still have a life and career," he said in a statement.

David Garrard
When Jacksonville Jaguars starting quarterback Garrard began to have severe stomach pains after meals, he knew something was amiss. "I just thought I had a stomach virus," he says in a 2005 New York Times interview. "It was three months before I asked anyone to check me out."

In 2004, doctors removed 12 inches of Garrard's intestine and put him on a treatment plan to help him regain weight and return to the gridiron. Garrard is now the spokesperson for CCFA's campaign, In the Zone for Crohn's, which raises money for research.

Mary Ann Mobley
The Brandon, Miss., beauty was crowned Miss America in 1959. Three years later, as Mobley's acting and singing career began to take off, she developed Crohn's disease.

"It is a dreadful disease for the fact that it affects so many people emotionally," she told the Saturday Evening Post in a 1994 interview. "I remember before I went into remission having a two-year-old daughter and wanting to get up to do things with her and simply not having the energy to get up from the bed and go to the sofa in the den."

Shannen Doherty
Fox's teen drama Beverly Hills, 90210 catapulted this Memphis-born actress to stardom in the early 1990s.

Doherty told Star magazine in 1999 that she had been diagnosed with Crohn's disease. However, she has kept many of the details of her battle under wraps, reportedly claiming it's not sexy for a woman to say, "I've got to go to the bathroom right now."

Dwight D. Eisenhower
The 34th president of the United States was diagnosed with Crohn's disease in 1956 and required surgery for the condition just six months before his reelection bid. "Ike," who served as supreme commander of the Allied forces in Europe during World War II, won a second term despite his public battle with heart and gut problems.

George "The Animal" Steele
His given name is William James (Jim) Myers, but professional wrestling fans know him as George "The Animal" Steele. His career in the ring spanned more than two decades, culminating in his induction into the World Wrestling Entertainment Hall of Fame in 1995.

Steele's fight with Crohn's disease began in 1988. He says he regained his health after a 2002 surgery to remove his colon.

Thomas Menino
In 2004, doctors confirmed that Boston Mayor Menino's recurring intestinal woes were caused by Crohn's disease. The Democrat, the city's longest-serving mayor, fell ill after downing peanuts and Cracker Jack at a Red Sox game in 2004. He was hospitalized for abdominal pain. In 2009, at age 67, he was elected to his fifth four-year term.

Ben Morrison
For stand-up comedian and actor Morrison, wrenching gut pain and profuse diarrhea aren't just symptoms, they're grist for comic genius. His one-man show, Pain in the Butt (also known as Pain in the Ass), explores "the lighter side of Crohn's disease."

Morrison, seen on MTV's Punk'd and NBC's Last Comic Standing, was diagnosed with Crohn's in his senior year of high school.

Kevin Dineen
The Canadian right wing struggled with Crohn's disease throughout his 19-year National Hockey League career, particularly in the early years after his 1987 diagnosis.

Dineen, now coach of the Florida Panthers, tells USA Hockey magazine that the disease was "a real eye-opening experience" because there's no quick fix. "This is a chronic, debilitating disease that's with you for life," he says. "It took me a couple of years to come to grips with that."

Today I know....

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides.

I can only go with the flow of life.

Today I know that I cannot control the consequences of the choices I've made in the past. 

Life doesn't happen to me , it happens because of me. Is what I choose to think, do and create in each moment.

Today I know that I cannot control people .

I can only control my attitude towards them and their behavior.

Today I know that I cannot change people , they are on their own path.

I can only act in kind, loving ways toward the people around me.

Today I know that we are our experiences and that love is the only answer I was looking for my whole life and I can only find it within myself.

Land of Osbourne update

Friends, Romans, Countryman.... 

I figure I am due for a "Real Life" update as opposed to the quirky, positive, introspective things I've been posting. 

When we last spoke, I'd updated you guys on my friend Sharon Gammell, who was dying. I am sad to report that she is gone from this world, and is lucky enough to have gotten to go home. I miss her every day. 

John got a great job offer from his previous employer, Aaron Carlson, and jumped at the chance to work for them again. He is the supervisor of the finishing department. We ride share now, which is great. It takes me approximately 7 minutes to get from his work to mine.  Its really nice to have him with me to and from work. The commute isn't so boring when you have someone to talk with whose company you enjoy. 

I am now on the warpath with Wells Fargo. 

I made a mistake while using Wells Fargo Online Billpay on Friday January 18th. Instead of making the $199.36 payment, I inputted $1999.36. YIKES!

I caught the error within 24 hours, yet Wells Fargo was unable to stop or cancel the transaction. (even though Monday January 21st was a bank holiday also I might add) 

Wells Fargo as of today still has not only gotten me my money back, they also have not been able to answer my question as to WHY was that amount taken from my checking account when I didn't have the funds to support it? I've filed a complaint with the Better Business Bureau and with the Minnesota Attorney General. Needless to say, upon completion of getting this mess straightened out I will no longer be using Wells Fargo for my banking needs.  

Anyway, that is all that is happening with me. 

Take care! 

Rhymey thought of the day

You have brains in your head. 

You have feet in your shoes. 

You can steer yourself any direction you choose. 

You're on your own. 

And you know what you know. 

And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...

You'll get mixed up, of course, as you already know. 

You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go. 

So be sure when you step. 

Step with care and great tact and remember that Life's a Great Balancing Act. 

Just never forget to be dexterous and deft. 

And never mix up your right foot with your left.

Why Worry?

There are only two things to worry about: either you are well or you are sick. 

If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about. 

But if you are sick, there are two things for you to worry about, either you will get well or you will die.  

If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.  

If you die then there are two things to worry about either you go up or you go down. 

If you go up then there is nothing to worry about. 

But if you go down you will be so busy shaking hands with old friends you won't have time to worry. 

The Attitude You Bring to Life

Each day we can wake up and choose to see life as a gift and to be fully present in that day. We cannot always control the outcome, but we can control our reactions. Each day we can bring all we have to that day, choosing to live it fully, seeing it as a great gift.  Each daywe can train our mind not to obsess on regret, nor to worry for tomorrow but to be in this present moment.  Each day we can be grateful for what has happened that day.  And we can choose not to judge our lives from moment to moment (am I happy, successful, unhappy, a failure, good, bad) but simply to live our life.

Give to Get

''All that we send into the lives of others comes back into our own.''  Edwin Markham

How you feel in any one moment is more important than anything else, because how you feel right now is creating your life.

Your feelings are the power of your thoughts and words.

It's what you feel that matters !

All good feelings come from love !

All negative feelings come from a lack of love.

How you feel about each subject in your life is an exact reflection of what you have been giving out in each subject.

Life isn't happening to you- life is responding to you ! 

Every subject of your life is your call and you make the call on everything in life by what you give.

Don't struggle to change the circumstances of your life. 

Give love through your good feelings and what you want will appear !

You have to give good feelings first.

You have to be happy first, and give happiness, to receive happy things !

Whatever you want to receive in life, you must give first !

Be a blessing, be a friend, make a difference

Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  Today is a blank canvas upon which you have the delightful opportunity to create.  At this moment you are standing at the beginning of an impressive adventure, with the very real and present opportunity to shape the upcoming years into the happiest ones ever. Start now, take the initiative, and…  If you want to awaken happiness in the world around you, start by living a life that makes you happy, and then radiate your happiness outward.  If you want to eliminate suffering in the world, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity outward.  Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation.  It starts with the one in the mirror.  Today will never come again.  Be a blessing.  Be a friend.  Make a difference.  Take time to care.  Tell someone how special they are.  Do something that encourages a smile and a brighter day.  By doing so, you will not only help those around you, you will help yourself too.  Because when you seek to inspire happiness in all people, you will not only find it, you will become it.

A Poem

Do not stand at my grave and weep,

I am not there; I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight.

I am the soft starlight at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

Do Not Stand at My Grave and Weep
written in 1932 by Mary Elizabeth Frye

Love, and you will be loved

The world around you is a reflection, a mirror showing you the person you are. 

To change your world, you must change yourself. 

To blame and complain will only make matters worse. 

Whatever you care about, is your responsibility.

What you see in others, shows you yourself. 

See the best in others, and you will be your best.  

Give to others, and you give to yourself. 

Appreciate beauty, and you will be beautiful. 

Admire creativity, and you will be creative. 

Love, and you will be loved. 

Seek to understand, and you will be understood.

The good you find in others, is in you too. 

The faults you find in others, are your faults as well. 

After all, to recognize something you must know it.

The possibilities you see in others, are possible for you as well. 

The beauty you see around you, is your beauty.

Listen, and your voice will be heard. 

Teach, and you will learn. 

Show your best face to the mirror,  and you'll be happy with the face looking back at you.

You have a lot to be thankful for

1. View every challenge as an educational assignment. – Ask yourself:  “What is this situation meant to teach me?”  Every situation in our lives has a lesson to teach us.  Some of these lessons include:  To become stronger.  To communicate more clearly.  To trust your instincts.  To express your love.  To forgive.  To know when to let go.  To try something new.
2. Things change, but the sun always rises the next day. – The bad news: nothing is permanent. The good news: nothing is permanent.
3. Giving up and moving on are two very different things. – There comes a point when you get tired of chasing everyone and trying to fix everything, but it’s not giving up, and it’s not the end.  It’s a new beginning.  It’s realizing, finally, that you don’t need certain people and things and the drama they bring.
4. Distance yourself from negative people. – Every time you subtract negative from your life you make room for more positive.  Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  Let go of negative people, for they are the greatest destroyers of self confidence and self esteem.  Surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you.
5. Perfect relationships don’t exist. – There’s no such thing as a perfect, ideal relationship.  It’s how two people deal with the imperfections of a relationship that make it ideal.  
6. You must love yourself too. – One of the most painful things in life is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  When was the last time someone told you that they loved you just the way you are, and that what you think and how you feel matters?  When was the last time someone told you that you did a good job, or took you someplace, simply because they know you feel happy when you’re there?  When was the last time that ‘someone’ was YOU?
7. Don’t let others make decisions for you. – Sometimes you just have to live not caring what they think of you, shake off the drama, and prove to YOURSELF that you’re better than they think you are.
8. Resentment hurts you, not them. – Always forgive people and move on, even if they never ask for your forgiveness.  Don’t do it for them – do it for you.  Grudges are a waste of happiness.  Get that unnecessary stress out of your life right now.
9. You’re not alone.  Everyone has problems. – To lose sleep worrying about a friend.  To have trouble picking yourself up after someone lets you down.  To feel like less because someone didn’t love you enough to stay.  To be afraid to try something new for fear you’ll fail.  None of this means you’re dysfunctional or crazy.  It just means you’re human, and that you need a little time to right yourself.  You are not alone.  No matter how embarrassed or pathetic you feel about your own situation, there are others out there experiencing the same emotions.  When you hear yourself say, “I am all alone,” it is your mind trying to sell you a lie.

Sharon Gammell

My dear beloved friend Sharon Gammell is dying.

I wish I didn't have to type that.

I wish that it were not true.

It is true, though.

The last time I talked to Sharon was in October, and she gave me some advise when I emailed her for help. She did for me quite frequently.

After my sweet Rommy bear died, she was there for me and made the days easier for me.

Sharon sold Thayer's Historic Bed & Breakfast last year. At the time I was a little surprised at her decision. Now though, I think I understand.

Sharon moved to Belgrade, Minnesota, where she primarily focused on doing psychic readings from her website.

Around the last week in October, early November, I had a bad feeling about her and went to post on her facebook wall. Then a friend of hers that she had an appointment for a psychic reading for emailed me, concerned because Sharon missed their appointment, and she wasn't answering her phone. That is NOT like Sharon at all, and so I tried calling her too. She didn't answer me either.

I then contacted Sharon's sister in law, Misty - thinking she'd know what was happening, or who I could call or check with to see what was going on.

It was then I found out that Sharon (who lives alone), had fallen, and was unable to get up.  She layed where she fell for over 13 hours before someone found her.

She spent a month in the hospital. It was then discovered that Sharon has been quite ill for some time and told no one. It is unclear if she was receiving a doctors care or not, but its looking like she hasn't been.

Her kidneys had begun to fail. That is now under control.

Her liver is failing. She needs a transplant. She has Cirrhosis of the Liver.

She was recently moved to a nursing home to rehab so she could go home.

Friday I heard that Sharon had become incoherent and was refusing to take the medication.

I asked her sister if Sharon had any type of Medical Directive or Living Will.

She didn't know.

I asked if Sharon had a lawyer.

She didn't know that either, Sharon refused to answer any of their questions on the topic.

Sharon's late husband Warren Gammell did have a son, Brad, who is an attorney. No one had contacted him or thought to do so, probably because they were all so upset.

So I took it upon myself to find the guy.

Found  him in Texas, and he has his own law office.

I contacted him, and put him in touch with Sharon's brother.

By Friday night, he had taken the first plane from Texas to Minnesota.

I then contacted Patricia and Corey, two ladies John and I acted with in the Murder Mysteries that Sharon use to host. They were very grateful to know what was happening also.

Sharon didn't want to make anyone upset, worry or panic. Which is evidently why she told no one of how she was doing.

The only thing keeping Sharon alive is dialysis.

Should she pull through this the doctors give her no more than 6 months to live.

She is back in ICU at St. Cloud hospital in Minnesota.

I love her so much and have been so blessed having her in my life for the last 10 years.

This & That....

Greetings & Salutations!

Hope you guys all had a wonderful Thanksgiving.

John and I drove to Mom and Dad's in Brainerd, where we were lucky enough to spend time with some of my awesome family. I am very thankful to have been blessed with a very large extended family.

Mom and Dad are leaving for Arizona next Wednesday the 28th. They will be gone until May of next year. While I am going to miss them terribly, I know that they have a great time when they are there, and are busy nearly every day. Plus, we can chat on Skype or on our cellphones. We're all on Verizon, so its a free call - sort of. :)

I finally took the leap and began looking into refinancing our house. I saw so many homes be forclosed on in the last few years, it was scary to me to even fathom taking a chance, however the interest rates were too good to ignore.

Glad I did. If all goes through as planned we'll be saving a ton of money in interest alone, not to mention monthly payments. Didn't have to start over at 30 years, we're doing 20, and no apprasial, as we're under water.

Simple pleasure of the day:

I love sitting, drinking coffee and watching my birds. I have 4 Lady Gouldian Finches, and 2 Shafttail Finches. Unlike other birds people keep as pets, these guys are not loud and screetchy, they softly chirp and the males will occasionally sing to the females. They're gorgeous. They're also known as "Rainbow Finches" because their colors are just stunning. They're also not the type of bird you need to handle. They're happy in their own little world. I love them. :)

Take care friends,
April

Blue Cross' do dance commercial

The Ultimate Vampire...

So I was watching some red carpet event on television, (not intentionally, I was channel surfing), and Robert Pattinson was being interviewed by some chick, and she says to him:

"Now, you're the ultimate vampire, obviously....."


Wait, what?

Seriously?

Robert Pattinson aka Edward Cullen is the ultimate vampire?

Pffft.


Right.

This woman obviously is delusional. I mean....really?

Allow me to illustrate to further prove my point:

John Osbourne, king of the husbands

John is such a kick ass husband. I mean, really. There is no question.

I recently accidentally broke my laptop screen. After doing some research, discovered its not that difficult to replace. Ordered replacment parts.

After the parts came in, John surprised me and replaced the screen for me, after watching the "how to" video on you tube ONCE. (have I ever mentioned John has a very high IQ?)

Last night, while watching Bones, there was some silly part of the show where Angela and Jack were reading  Aristoo's poem, and it said something along the lines of: "She is my carboreator...."

John turned to me and said: "April, you're my jack stand".


So sweet.

I responded by saying that he is my flashlight. I'd be stumbling around lost in the dark without him.

John Osbourne = King of the Husbands!

Solving Murders Takes Chemistry

3000 Miles To Graceland - Such A Night (Elvis Presley)

Confused

On my drive to work today, I was thinking about how people turn out.

2 people, raised the same way, given the same things, shown the same moral values - how is it possible that one skews so far to the side and one turns out fairly normal?

Everyone basically knows right from wrong. How can someone justify intentionally hurting other people? Specifically family members?  People you're suppose to love no matter what?

Everyone knows how Karma works.

If you set out to intentionally hurt someone, and deep down, you KNOW its wrong, yet do it anyway out of jealousy, hurt, fear or a false sense of entitlement, regardless your motives, it WILL turn around and bite you in the ass eventually.

Every time.

Guaranteed.

There is no escaping it.

Even if you've been wronged by someone, it doesn't make it okay or right to lash out and hurt people back.

Eventually, down the road, after the hurts have been doled out, and you get bit in the ass from Karma, you will then cry to anyone who will listen how now YOU'VE been hurt, not looking back at what you yourself have done to others.

People need to learn how to take responsibilty for their actions. If someone screws up, admit it. Apologize when you've done wrong. Move on.

If someone is in your life that does nothing but hurt you time after time, then you can continue to allow it to happen, or close the door to that person.

I think often how I've been hurt. I try not to dwell the pain I've been given by those who are suppose to love me. But its hard.

thanks for listening.

November 6th, get out there and VOTE!

Today is the day that American's get to help choose our new leaders. Not voting is simply not an option for myself and my family. 

My Dad and Mom always have impressed upon me the importance of voting, always. 

To quote my Mom: 

"If you don't get out there and vote, you don't get to bitch about the government for the next 4 years" 

I don't care WHO you vote for, just get out there and DO IT! 


Plus, the political ads will be gone! 

Pre-Existing Condition

Greetings Land of Osbourne readers,

Normally I don't blog about things like this but I'm pissed at the current politicians and want to get some things off my chest. If this sort of thing bothers you, I'm sorry. I won't do this often.

I have a disease for which there is no cure. It is a painful and embarrassing. It is expensive. VERY expensive.

Every 6 weeks I am required to have an infusion of a drug called Remicade. If I didn't have medical insurance, I would pay about $10,000 per appointment. Every 6 weeks.

If I didn't have insurance through my work, I would be unable to get insurance on my own without Obamacare set up. He has protected me in making it illegal for insurance companies to deny me due to my pre-existing condition.

Now, there is an expirament going on at the Mayo Clinic, and other places that are using stem cells from the person the stem cells are being used on. The stem cells are showing to eliminate Crohns disease.

People who are against stem cell use are under the mistaken impression that they are coming from aborted babies and other equally sad places.  Its people like these that are preventing my dream from becoming a reality. If people had a loved one in their life with a disease like mine, for which there is no cure, knowing there was a good chance that stem cells will cure them, then I think stem cells would become more used and less taboo.

The disease I have is bad. One way of keeping things under control is surgery. With Crohn's disease, if you try to just "resection", the disease will just reappear where the resectioning took place. As a result, the answer is to remove the large intestine all together. Which means a colostomy bag.

I have told my friends, family members, loved ones and the doctors that for me,this is not an option. If it means dying a slow,miserable death, I refuse. No. I realize its a scary thought for the people who love me, but my mind is made up. And I will not change it.

Thanks for listening to me rant.

Vincent my Betta

One of the strongest, longest lived Betta fishes I've ever had died yesterday morning. Vincent, named after the Bones episode where the character Vincent Nigel Murray died. So I've had him for almost 2 years.

Vincent was a tough little fish. On 3 seperate occasions, while I was cleaning his home, he slid down the drain into the garbage disposal. He lived, no problems. On another occasion he must have decided to check out the outside world, I found him (after who knows how long), and he lived. Like I said, tough little Betta.

RIP Vincent.

Narcissistic Sociopath

Tuesday is Remicade Infusion Day

Hi Land of Osbourne fans,

Today is Remicade infusion day for me. As you may recall, the cool new awesome Doctors have upped my infusions to every 6 weeks instead of every 8 weeks. They couldn't just up the dosage as I am at the maximum amount I can have.

So I have an infusion today between 12-2p. Then another in 6 weeks. After that one I go back and they are going to do a different sort of test to check out those pre-cancerous cells they found. (pre-cancerous meaning when these cells grow up they turn into cancer). Of course the cells were found in a part of my large intestine that is NORMAL, not diseased.

They also tested me for some virus. Evidently, if I've ever had this virus, I can never be treated with this super strong drug called Tysabri. I guess this drug is at the top of the Crohn's drug food chain. If the Remicade stops working then that one is a possibility - if Humara doesn't work that is. (that is next in line I think). However, this Tysabri is pretty risky also I guess. The 1st time I get it there is some danger of a brain infection. 2nd time, greater risk, 3rd, even higher. Strange.

The doc also told me that while probiotics are good, there is also a risk with them - "bacteria is bacteria", which can lead to sepsis. She said it would be better to just eat Greek Yogurt. Interesting.  I love that greek yogurt that John Stamos endorses. Oikos. Yummy. (although he's yet to appear to me as I am eating it, as the commercial suggests could happen).

In other news, I went to Brainerd this past weekend and hung out with Mom and Dad. I had such a nice time. Mom made Beef Stew with Dumplings. Awesome! We also went to this cool self serve yogurt bar - Cherry Berry's, which is my new favorite place in Brainerd. Sorry Coco Moon.

I am hoping to go back up to see them before Thanksgiving. They have my Bones season 1-6, which I need to reclaim. Might borrow them Warehouse 13 season 1-2. I need to pick up the following TV on DVD:  Bones season 7, Fringe season 4, Warehouse 13 season 3, and I'd LIKE to get Son's of Anarchy season 1-4, although I have burned copies from my cousin Kathie.

Anyway - thats all that is new and shaking in my world. I know you guys were all dying to know how I was doing. The requests have been pouring in. (well, not really, heh)

Take care all,
April

Words of Wisdom for hard times

Sometimes you have to die a little on the inside first in order to be reborn and rise again as a stronger, smarter version of yourself.

Here are some lessons we’ve learned along the way:

1. You are not what happened to you in the past. – No matter how chaotic the past has been, the future is a clean, fresh, wide open slate. You are not your past habits. You are not your past failures. You are not how others have at one time treated you. You are only who you think you are right now in this moment. You are only what you do right now in this moment.
2. Focus on what you have, not on what you haven’t. – You are who you are and you have what you have, right now.  And it can’t be that bad, because otherwise you wouldn’t be able to read this.  The important thing is simply to find one POSITIVE thought that inspires and helps you move forward.  Hold on to it strongly, and focus on it.  You may feel like you don’t have much, or anything at all, but you have your mind to inspire you.  And that’s really all you need to start moving forward again.  
3. Struggling with problems is a natural part of growing. – Part of living and growing up is experiencing unexpected troubles in life.  People lose jobs, get sick, and sometimes die in car accidents.  When you are younger, and things are going pretty well, this harsh reality can be hard to visualize.  The smartest, and oftentimes hardest, thing we can do in these kinds of situations is to be tempered in our reactions.  To want to scream obscenities, but to wiser and more disciplined than that.  To remember that emotional rage only makes matters worse.  And to remember that tragedies are rarely as bad as they seem, and even when they are, they give us an opportunity to grow stronger.
4. It’s okay to fall apart for a little while. – You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again.  And a smile doesn’t always mean a person is happy.  Sometimes it simply means they are strong enough to face their problems.
5. Life is fragile, sudden, and shorter than it often seems. – There may not be a tomorrow – not for everyone.  Right now, someone on Earth is planning something for tomorrow without realizing they’re going to die today.  This is sad but true.  So spend your time wisely today and pause long enough to appreciate it.  Every moment you get is a gift.  Don’t waste time by dwelling on unhappy things.  Spend it on things that move you in the direction you want to go.
6. You will fail sometimes. – The faster you accept this, the faster you can get on with being brilliant. You’ll never be 100% sure it will work, but you can always be 100% sure doing nothing won’t work.  Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  So get out there and try!  Either you succeed or you learn a vital lesson.  Win – Win.
7. You have the capacity to create your own happiness. – Feelings change, people change, and time keeps rolling.  You can hold onto past mistakes or you can create your own happiness. A smile is a choice, not a miracle.  Don’t make the mistake of waiting on someone or something to come along and make you happy.  True happiness comes from within.
8. Emotionally separate yourself from your problems. – You are far greater than your problems.  You are a living, breathing human being who is infinitely more complex than all of your individual problems added up together.  And that means you’re more powerful than them – you have the ability to change them, and to change the way you feel about them.
9. Don’t make a problem bigger than it is. – You should never let one dark cloud cover the entire sky.  The sun is always shining on some part of your life.  Sometimes you just have to forget how you feel, remember what you deserve, and keep pushing forward.
10. Everything that happens is a life lesson. – Everyone you meet, everything you encounter, etc.  They’re all part of the learning experience we call ‘life.’  Never forget to acknowledge the lesson, especially when things don’t go your way.  If you don’t get a job that you wanted or a relationship doesn’t work, it only means something better is out there waiting.  And the lesson you just learned is the first step towards it.

Top 10 ways to cause a flare with Crohns

Keeping your Crohn's disease under control can feel like a full-time job. That's because it is. Avoiding potential triggers can help prevent a flare-up. You may be doing things that are detrimental to your health. Do you know what they are?

1. Smoke

Photo © hinnamsaisuy

Smoking cigarettes has a significant effect on Crohn's disease. The entire body is affected by smoking, including the digestive tract. Inhaled smoke enters the stomach and intestines as well as the lungs. Tobacco is a known digestive tract irritant that cause bloating, cramping, gas, and stomach rumbling.

2. Don't Drink Water

Photo © Carmen Dirica

If all you give your body all day is coffee and diet cola, you can't expect your digestive tract to treat you well. Water is essential to the good health of your entire body, as well helpful in preventing constipation and replacing fluids lost from diarrhea.

3. Don't Exercise

Photo © Ambro

If you could spend 30 minutes a day doing something that would not only benefit your Crohn's disease by decreasing the severity of your symptoms but also improve your overall health -- …wouldn't you do it? That's what exercise can do. The U.S. Surgeon General recommends 30 minutes most days of the week. It doesn't have to be a contiguous 30 minutes; you can also do 3 episodes of 10 minutes, or 2 episodes of 15.

4. Ignore Stress

Photo © africa

Stress does not cause IBD, but it will worsen it. Everyone has stress of one form or another -- the important thing is your reaction to it. Turn stress into something positive: Use it to fuel your creativity and spur yourself into taking action on your problems. Don't let stress fester until it affects your health.

5. Eat Large Meals

Photo ©David Lat

We all love to eat, but eating 3 large meals a day is not the best strategy for optimal digestive health. Instead, try 5 or 6 smaller meals throughout the day. You won't have that heavy feeling after eating, and your body will receive a steady stream of fuel all day, instead of repeated spikes and dips.

6. Skip Sleep

Photo © winnond

Most adults need 7 to 8 hours of sleep a night. Are you scheduling this amount into your day, every day? Maybe you have trouble getting to sleep, or staying asleep. Try practicing better sleep hygiene to improve the quantity and quality of your sleep.

7. Eat Trigger Foods

Photo © Petr Kratochvil

Trigger foods vary from person to person with Crohn's disease, but some basic themes are: fatty foods, fried foods, fibrous foods, and milk.Learn what your trigger foods are and how to avoid them.

8. Drink Alcoholic Beverages

Photo © Boaz Yiftach

This is a hard one, especially for younger people. But beer (which tends to be gassy), wine, and mixed drinks (which often contain other triggers such as fruit juice or caffeinated beverages) can be hard on the gastrointestinal tract.

9. Eat Processed Foods

Photo © Master isolated images

Processed foods often contain additives such as sugar or fat substitutes. Many of these artificial flavorings are known to be gastrointestinal irritants. Even people who do not have a diagnosed digestive condition may experience gas, diarrhea, bloating, and pain after eating food additives.

10. Don't Seek Help

Photo © Stuart Miles

Help can come from friends, family, coworkers, and your health-care team. Seek help from those closest to you for ideas on how to stick to your treatment plan and reduce stress. Don't be afraid to accept support and good advice when it is offered from a trusted source.